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Quotes About Sale

Quotes tagged as "sale" (showing 1-30 of 41)
Jarod Kintz
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“I had a dream about you. The seasons changed, but you did not. You were the same old person you always were, only older. And I was the same old person I always was, only younger. Yes, I’d discovered the Fountain of Youth, and since we were such old friends, I was going to let you have a swig for 10% off the suggested retail price.
”
Jarod Kintz, We Had A #Dream About You

Jarod Kintz
“Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only.”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Jarod Kintz
“I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“A radio in a song in an ice cream cone. Two licks for free, and the third is for sale. My favorite flavor tastes like a commercial, because it’s made with 100% natural advertisement.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“I’m an all-the-water-I-can-drink-in-a-flower-vase kind of lover. Roses and batteries sold separately.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a patch of Bigfoot’s fur, and a patch of land on Pluto (limit one per customer).
”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Jarod Kintz
“I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“I put out the Gary call, but only two Gregs and a Susan came. Oh well, if they don’t want to snuggle, I suppose I’ll just sell my surplus supply.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine that comes in a can half full of meow-free rainbows. (Leprechauns sold separately.)”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“The salesman said the sale was happening because all the gizmos in the store had to be liquidated. It was a lot of solidfluid, and I would have bought something, but the only thing I was thirsty for was her love.”
Jarod Kintz, How to put out forest fires with your naked body

Jarod Kintz
“I had a dream about you. I was a sleeping bag salesman, and you sold insomnia. I tried talking you into selling sex instead, because that way we could sell combo packages. But you said no, because you didn’t want to infringe on your grandma’s sales numbers, because that’s what she sold.
”
Jarod Kintz, We Had A #Dream About You

Jarod Kintz
“This book comes with its very own logo (logo sold separately).”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Jarod Kintz
“I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on sale today.”
Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

Jarod Kintz
“I went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.”
Jarod Kintz, How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Jarod Kintz
“The best gift is one that’s paid for by the recipient. My love for you is for sale.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Jarod Kintz
“I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opportunities that’ll open up for me, and two, I want to be the best door-to-door salesman who sells doors, so I carry a sample with me everywhere.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“I would be up for a sail, but my boat is up for sale. I think I’m going to stay inside and play with homophones until the exterminators finish fumigating.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Jarod Kintz
“He’s a buying dude, and I’ve got to sell him something—like my credibility. (On sale Today through Labor Day.)
”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“I live in a tourist town, and I hang out in souvenir shops because it feels like home. Visitors want to buy everything from postcards to my love, and I love that. However, only the postcards are for sale—and not my love. No, my love is for rent.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“Rollie Fingers called. He wants his fingers back. And his mustache. Too bad I sold them to 1969 to buy some free love. Wait, if it was free, why did I buy it? 1969 ripped me off!”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“Her clothes were half off—a sale, not a strip tease. Watching her shop was as hot as a fresh cup of coffee, and that’s why I had a wad of dollar bills.”
Jarod Kintz, I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Jarod Kintz
“1-12, how many Decembers does it take to sell thirteen to Mr. Fourteen and Mr. Months? Depends on how much love you throw in for free.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“The spotlight hides blemishes, and shadows hide from the brightness. When love shines down on you, you’ll be glad you purchased your Albino Survival Kit, available for sale starting at $99.99.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Felix Wantang
“If God offers the world for sale, how much will you pay for it? What is the price of your own destruction?”
Felix Wantang, Face to Face Meetings with Jesus Christ 2: Astounding Biblical Mysteries Revealed in His Own Words Like Never Before in Human History

“No drug or drink can match the high/kick that a Sale gives you! Though the feeling can never be expressed in words but I feel like I am the king and on top of this world!”
honeya

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