Quotes About Masturbation

Quotes tagged as "masturbation" (showing 1-30 of 83)
Chuck Palahniuk
“My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.”
Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Lily Tomlin
“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
Lily Tomlin

Paulo Coelho
“She imagined herself both queen and slave, dominatrix and victim. In her imagination she was making love with men of all skin colors--white, black, yellow--with homosexuals and beggars. She was anyone's, and anyone could do anything to her. She had one, two, three orgasms, one after another. She imagined everything she had never imagined before, and she gave herself to all that was most base and most pure.”
Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die

Neil Gaiman
“I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well, that explains a lot about the DC Universe.”
Neil Gaiman

Craig Ferguson
“Twas the night before Thanksgiving.
All the food's in the oven.
And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.”
Craig Ferguson

Robert Clark
“Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?”
Robert Clark

Robert Clark
“Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.”
Robert Clark

Ron Jeremy
“You cannot blame porn. When I was young, I used to masturbate to Gilligan's Island.”
Ron Jeremy

Mark Twain
“The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories— and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.”
Mark Twain, On Masturbation

Eve Ensler
“In the United States, the last recorded clitoridectomy for curing masturbation was performed in 1948--on a five year old girl.”
Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues

Missy Welsh
“Remember how it felt yesterday? What you saw me do?” I snorted and grinned. “Man, do I ever. I remembered twice last night and again this morning.”
Missy Welsh, My Summer of Wes

Samantha Whitney
“Hey roomie." I was breathless. I looked her straight in the eyes as my fingers squeezed my nipples and rubbed my swollen clit. "Told you I wouldn't stop when you caught me.”
Samantha Whitney

Les Claypool
“In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there’s no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.”
Les Claypool

Al Franken
“Today I will masterbate!

Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!”
Al Franken

Will Self
“Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you stand in the corner of your writing room, shouting very loudly to yourself while drinking a bottle of white wine. Then masturbate under the desk. The following day you will feel a deep and cohering sense of embarrassment.”
Will Self

Robert Anton Wilson
“Masturbation is not the happiest form of sexuality, but the most advisable for him who wants to be alone and think. I detect the aroma of this pleasant vice in most philosophers, and a happily married logicians is almost a contradiction in terms. So many sages have regarded Woman as temptress because fornication often leads to marriage, which usually leads to children, which always leads to a respectable job and pretending to believe the idiocies your neighbors believe. The hypocrisy of the sages has been to conceal their timid onanism and call it celibacy.”
Robert Anton Wilson, Nature's God

Amy Lane
“And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up.”
Amy Lane, Christmas with Danny Fit

Haruki Murakami
“If I'm going to merely ramble, maybe I should just snuggle under the warm covers, think of Miu, and play with myself.”
Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart

Ernest Cline
“At the end of the day, I was still a virgin, all alone in a dark room, humping a lubed-up robot.”
Ernest Cline, Ready Player One

Paulo Coelho
“That's all anyone has, and it's always brief, although, of course, some people believe they have a past where they can accumulate things and a future where they will accumulate still more. By the way, speaking of the present moment, do you masturbate a lot?”
Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die

Chloe Thurlow
“Reading - like masturbation - is something you do alone and very little in life brings more pleasure.”
Chloe Thurlow, Katie in Love

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Some men do not know the father of 'their' children.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Most if not all sexually active people do not really love having sex; they merely love experiencing an orgasm every now and then.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

Edmund White
“If a writer has the desire to communicate by writing and be heard, then he necessarily cares about seeing it in print. I suppose it's the difference between masturbation and making love—the real writer wants to touch another person.”
Edmund White, City Boy: My Life in New York in the 1960s and 70s

Chloe Thurlow
“Some men believe a girl squirting under their touch is a sign of their own sex appeal and machismo. It seems a shame to pee on their parade, but the truth is, the methodical throb of a vibrator in the right place and in the right hands – even your own hand – achieves more consistent results.”
Chloe Thurlow, A Girl's Adventure

Chloe Thurlow
“Squirting isn’t easy, it has to be said. Then, neither is riding a unicycle. Just as some people sweat more than others, or eat more than others, some girls erupt in surging geysers of vaginal fluids with greater facility and in more generous quantities than others.”
Chloe Thurlow, A Girl's Adventure

Karl Ove Knausgård
“Το ότι συγχρόνως υπήρχε και κάτι ουσιαστικά γελοίο σ' αυτό που συνέβαινε, δηλαδή ένα πλήθος από άντρες που κάθονταν με κατεβασμένα τα βρακιά ως τα γόνατα, ο καθένας στο θάλαμό του, βογκώντας και μουγκρίζοντας και τραβώντας το πέος τους πάνω κάτω, ενώ έβλεπαν ταινίες με γυναίκες που κάνανε σεξ με άλογα ή με σκυλιά, ή άντρες με πλήθος άλλους άντρες, δεν μπορούσαν να μην το βλέπουν, αλλά ούτε και να το λάβουνε υπόψη τους, καθότι ο γνήσιος πόθος και το γνήσιο γέλιο είναι ασυμβίβαστα πράγματα, κι αυτό που τους οδηγούσε εκεί ήταν ο πόθος. Όμως, γιατί ειδικά εκεί; Όλες οι ταινίες που μπορούσες να δεις εκεί, υπήρχαν και στο ίντερνετ και μπορούσες να τις δεις τελείως μόνος, χωρίς κίνδυνο να σε δουν άλλοι. Οπότε λοιπόν έπρεπε να υπάρχει κάτι σ' αυτήν την ανομολόγητη κατάσταση που έψαχναν να βιώσουν. Ήταν το ανήθικο, αναξιοπρεπές και βρώμικο της όλης υπόθεσης ή το κλειστό από όλους τους άλλους".”
Karl Ove Knausgård, Min kamp 1

Kalervo Palsa
“Jos helvetti on olemassa, niin minun kohdallani se on alkanut jo maan päällä. Jos helvetti on olemassa, niin minun kohdallani se tulee olemaan tämmöistä, tuonpuoleisessa, haudantakaisessa maailmassa.
Jos helvetti on olemassa ja sinne joudutaan synnin vuoksi, joudun minä olemaan siellä runkkaamisen vuoksi.
Minä joudun runkkaamaan siellä ikuista runkkiaja hekuman huippu tapahtuu tuomiopäivänä. Perkeleen perkele!”
Kalervo Palsa

Chloe Thurlow
“Is squirting myth or magic? French scientists say myth, squirting girls say magic. And I say: those who can, do, and they do so because squirting is fun.”
Chloe Thurlow, Girl Trade

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