Quotes About Humor

Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 241-270 of 3,000)
Charles M. Schulz
“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
Charles M. Schulz

Veronica Roth
“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"
"I'm always a girl" I frown.
"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"
I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.”
Veronica Roth, Divergent

Groucho Marx
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
Groucho Marx

Christopher Moore
“People, generally, suck.”
Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

Cassandra Clare
“Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating,” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?”
“That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.”
“What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

Oscar Wilde
“No good deed goes unpunished.”
Oscar Wilde

Douglas Adams
“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”
Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

John Green
“I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.”
John Green, An Abundance of Katherines

Lemony Snicket
“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”
Lemony Snicket

Woody Allen
“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
Woody Allen

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams

Cassandra Clare
“There's no need to clarify my finger snap," said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Chuck Palahniuk
“If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”
Chuck Palahniuk

Mark Twain
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”
Mark Twain

Isaac Asimov
“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.”
Isaac Asimov

J.K. Rowling
“Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there.
"Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Rick Riordan
“He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatically.
“Green grass breaks through snow.
Artemis pleads for my help.
I am so cool.”

He grinned at us, waiting for applause.
"That last line was four syllables.” Artemis said.
Apollo frowned. “Was it?”
“Yes. What about I am so bigheaded?”
“No, no, that’s six syllable, hhhm.” He started muttering to himself.
Zoe Nightshade turned to us. “Lord Apollo has been going through this haiku phase ever since he visited Japan. Tis not as bad as the time he visited Limerick. If I’d had to hear one more poem that started with, There once was a godess from Sparta-"
“I’ve got it!” Apollo announced. “I am so awesome. That’s five syllables!” He bowed, looking very pleased with himself.”
Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

Terry Pratchett
“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

Matt Groening
“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”
Matt Groening

George Carlin
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
George Carlin

Gertrude Stein
“It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing.”
Gertrude Stein

Mae West
“I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.”
Mae West

Rick Riordan
“Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.”
Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

J.K. Rowling
“Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Wendy Mass
“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
All the time.”
Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

Alfred Hitchcock
“Puns are the highest form of literature.”
Alfred Hitchcock

Groucho Marx
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
Groucho Marx

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
“The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon.”
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Howard Nemerov
“Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.”
Howard Nemerov

Robert Benchley
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley

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