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Quotes About Funny

Quotes tagged as "funny" (showing 91-120 of 3,000)
Mae West
“Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”
Mae West

Jarod Kintz
“If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.”
Jarod Kintz

Cassandra Clare
“That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Confucius
“The funniest people are the saddest ones”
Confucius

Holly Black
“Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.”
Holly Black, Ironside

Laurie Halse Anderson
“Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.”
Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

John Green
“Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.”
John Green

Orson Scott Card
“Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
Orson Scott Card

Steven Wright
“If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
Steven Wright

Jarod Kintz
“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

Jarod Kintz
“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want

Jarod Kintz
“I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time." What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

John Green
“She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.”
John Green, Looking for Alaska

Rachel Caine
“Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it.”
Rachel Caine, The Dead Girls' Dance

Jarod Kintz
“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my
“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

Jarod Kintz
“Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

Jarod Kintz
“My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

John Green
“We were kissing.
I thought: This is good.
I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.
I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe.
Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed”
John Green, Looking for Alaska

Richelle Mead
“Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?”
Richelle Mead, The Golden Lily

Henny Youngman
“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”
Henny Youngman

Jarod Kintz
“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Rachel Caine
“Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much."
"Dick. That's not what you said last night."
"Bite me.”
Rachel Caine, Glass Houses

Lily Tomlin
“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
Lily Tomlin

Jarod Kintz
“You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Jarod Kintz
“I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

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