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Quotes About Humour

Quotes tagged as "humour" (showing 31-60 of 3,000)
John Lennon
“When you're drowning you don't think, I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me. You just scream.”
John Lennon

Woody Allen
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
Woody Allen

Terry Pratchett
“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?”
Terry Pratchett

Rick Riordan
“Like water leaking through a dam," said Piper.
"Yeah," smiled Percy. "We've got a dam hole."
"What?" Piper asked.
"Nothing," he said. "Inside joke.”
Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

Terry Pratchett
“I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.”
Terry Pratchett

Elbert Hubbard
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
Elbert Hubbard

Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.”
Rodney Dangerfield

Simone Elkeles
“Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well!”
Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

C. JoyBell C.
“I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!”
C. JoyBell C.

Fernando Pessoa
“No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it”
Fernando Pessoa

Woody Allen
“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.”
Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

Terry Pratchett
“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!”
Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

Veronica Roth
“You're not very nice," I say, grinning.
"You're one to talk."
"Hey, I could be nice if I tried."
"Hmm." He taps his chin. "Say something nice, then."
"You're very good-looking."
He smiles, his teeth a flash in this dark. "I like this 'nice' thing.”
Veronica Roth, Allegiant

Orson Scott Card
“Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
Orson Scott Card

Joss Whedon
“There's a time and place for everything, and I believe it’s called 'fan fiction'.”
Joss Whedon

Christopher Hitchens
“Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay.”
Christopher Hitchens

George Carlin
“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
George Carlin

Michelle Hodkin
“Asscrown," I muttered under my breath as I headed to my next class. I wasn't proud of swearing at a complete stranger, no. but he started it.

Noah matched my pace. "Don't you mean 'assclown'?" He looked amused.

"No," I said, louder this time. "I mean asscrown. The crown on top of the asshat that covers the asshole of the assclown. The very zenith in the hierarchy of asses," I said, as though I was reading from a dictionary of modern profanity.

"I guess you nailed me then.”
Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer

Becca Fitzpatrick
“What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.”
Becca Fitzpatrick, Hush, Hush

Douglas Coupland
“I don't deserve a soul, yet I still have one. I know because it hurts.”
Douglas Coupland, The Gum Thief

Oscar Wilde
“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”
Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist

Darynda Jones
“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt”
Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

Laurell K. Hamilton
“When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed”
Laurell K. Hamilton

Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez
“my heart has more rooms in it than a whore house”
Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Peter Ustinov
“I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.”
Peter Ustinov

Carl Hiaasen
“Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.”
Carl Hiaasen, Nature Girl

Mark Twain
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”
Mark Twain

Simone Elkeles
“This is a team of gay dudes, isn't it?"
What gave it away? The pink shirts, or half our team drooling over you?”
Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

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