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Quotes About Humor

Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 121-150 of 3,000)
Rick Riordan
“Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.”
Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

J.K. Rowling
“How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley.
George's fingers groped for the side of his head.
"Saintlike," he murmured.
"What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?"
"Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

J.K. Rowling
“Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

J.K. Rowling
“Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –"
"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."
"Great idea though, thanks, Mum.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Tina Fey
“Do your thing and don't care if they like it.”
Tina Fey, Bossypants

Suzanne Collins
“You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?”
Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

Terry Pratchett
“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.”
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

Cassandra Clare
“Isabelle drifted over, Jace a pace behind her. She was wearing a long black dress with boots and an even longer cutaway coat of soft green velvet, the color of moss. "I can't believe you did it!" she exclaimed. "How did you get Magnus to let Jace leave?"
"Traded him for Alec," Clary said.
Isabelle looked mildly alarmed. "Not permanently?"
"No," said Jace. "Just for a few hours. Unless I don't come back," he added thoughtfully. "In which case, maybe he does get to keep Alec. Think of it as a lease with an option to buy."
Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out."
"That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Becca Fitzpatrick
“Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.”
Becca Fitzpatrick, Hush, Hush

J.K. Rowling
“Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote

J.R. Ward
“Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.”
J.R. Ward, Dark Lover

Dr. Seuss
“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.”
Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!

Suzanne Collins
“Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.”
Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad
“Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”
Tina Fey, Bossypants

Cassandra Clare
“The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Winston Churchill
“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”
Winston Churchill

Will Rogers
“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
Will Rogers

Bill Watterson
“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
Bill Watterson

George Carlin
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin

Arthur Conan Doyle
“It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own.”
Arthur Conan Doyle

Cassandra Clare
“So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
"I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever.”
Cassandra Clare

Groucho Marx
“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.”
Groucho Marx

Jeaniene Frost
“I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need.”
Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

Dr. Seuss
“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”
Dr. Seuss, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

Dr. Seuss
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
Dr. Seuss

Cassandra Clare
“What are all these?" Clary asked.
"Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades," Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David-"
"Jesus," said Clary
"I doubt he'd fit."
"Jace." Clary was appalled.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

George Carlin
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
George Carlin

Cassandra Clare
“Your friend's poetry is terrible," he said.
Clary blinked, caught momentarily off guard. "What?"
"I said his poetry was terrible. It sounds like he ate a dictionary and started vomiting up words at random.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

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