Quotes About Funny

Quotes tagged as "funny" (showing 181-210 of 3,000)
Laurell K. Hamilton
“Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.”
Laurell K. Hamilton, Circus of the Damned

Cassandra Clare
“I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter," said Jace. "I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Scott Westerfeld
“You're insane!" she shouted.
"Pretty cool, huh?"
"No!"Tally yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was broken?"
Shay shrugged. "More fun that way?"
"More fun?" Her heart beating fast,her vision strangely clear. She was full of anger and relief and...joy.
"Well, kind of. But you suck!”
Scott Westerfeld, Uglies

Rachel Hawkins
“It just seems like overkill when you already have a dagger and I have superpowerful magic at my disposal.”
“‘Superpowerful?’”He stood up, a gold chain dangling from his fingers. “Let me remind you of two words, Mercer: Bad. Dog.”
Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass

Kelley Armstrong
“Simon whispered to me, “But is everything okay?”
“No,” Tori said. “I kidnapped her and forced her to escape with me. I’ve been using her as a human shield against those guys with guns, and I was just about to strangle her and leave her body here to throw them off my trail. But then you showed up and foiled my evil plans. Lucky for you, though. You get to rescue poor little Chloe again and win her undying gratitude.”
“Undying gratitude?” Simon looked at me. “Cool. Does that come with eternal servitude? If so, I like my eggs sunnyside up.”
I smiled. “I’ll remember that.”

***

“Oh, right. You must be starving.” Simon reached into his pockets. “I can offer one bruised apple and one brown banana. Convenience stores aren’t the place to buy fruit, as I keep telling someone.”
“Better than these. For you, anyway, Simon.” Derek passed a bar to Tori.
“Because you aren’t supposed to have those, are you?” I said. “Which reminds me…” I took out the insulin. “Derek said it’s your backup.”
“So my dark secret is out.”
“I didn’t know it was a secret.”
“Not really. Just not something I advertise.”
...
“Backup?” Tori said. “You mean he didn’t need that?”
“Apparently not,” I murmured.
Simon looked from her to me, confused, then understanding. “You guys thought…”
“That if you didn’t get your medicine in the next twenty-four hours, you’d be dead?” I said. “Not exactly, but close. You know, the old ‘upping the ante with a fatal disease that needs medication’ twist. Apparently, it still works.”
“Kind of a letdown, then, huh?”
“No kidding. Here we were, expecting to find you minutes from death. Look at you, not even gasping.”
“All right, then. Emergency medical situation, take two.”
He leaped to his feet, staggered, keeled over, then lifted his head weakly.
“Chloe? Is that you?” He coughed. “Do you have my insulin?”
I placed it in his outstretched hand.
“You saved my life,” he said. “How can I ever repay you?”
“Undying servitude sounds good. I like my eggs scrambled.”
He held up a piece of fruit. “Would you settle for a bruised apple?”
I laughed.”
Kelley Armstrong, The Awakening

Cassandra Clare
“Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon."
"You noticed," said Simon.
"I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus.
"Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

Jess C. Scott
“Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.”
Jess C. Scott, EyeLeash: A Blog Novel

Michelle Hodkin
“I planted a kamikaze kiss on Jamie’s cheek.
“FUCK,” he shouted, wiping it off. “What if you killed me!” He threw a Skittle at my face. It hit my forehead.
“Ow!”
“Taste the rainbow bitch.”
Michelle Hodkin, The Retribution of Mara Dyer

Rick Riordan
“She held up her calloused, grimy fingers. Leo couldn't help thinking there was nothing hotter than a girl who didn't mind getting her hands dirty. But of course, that was just a general comment. Didn't apply to Calypso. Obviously.”
Rick Riordan, The House of Hades

Hiromu Arakawa
“Haven't you ever heard of the saying, "If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!"?' --Lin
If you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!' --Ed”
Hiromu Arakawa, Fullmetal Alchemist, Vol. 14

J.K. Rowling
“Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?'
'No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Rachel Hawkins
“Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?”
Rachel Hawkins, Spell Bound

Isaac Marion
“My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.”
Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies

Franklin D. Roosevelt
“I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt

J.K. Rowling
“Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Jon Stewart
“If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”
Jon Stewart

Shannon Hale
“If we're mad, we're mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.”
Shannon Hale, The Goose Girl

Jess C. Scott
“I suppose it’s not a social norm, and not a manly thing to do — to feel, discuss feelings. So that’s what I’m giving the finger to. Social norms and stuff…what good are social norms, really? I think all they do is project a limited and harmful image of people. It thus impedes a broader social acceptance of what someone, or a group of people, might actually be like.”
Jess C. Scott, New Order

Jennifer L. Armentrout
“Honestly, as much as I love my brother, I’m not sure how I feel about him hanging out in your bedroom.” He reached out with a muscular arm and used his fingers to brush a few strands of hair off my cheek, tucking them behind my ear. I shivered, and he smiled. “I feel like I need to mark my territory.” “Shut up.” “Oh, I love it when you get all bossy-pants. It’s sexy.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal

“How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!”
Cathy East Dubowski, Disney's Toy Story

“Of course you know, this means war.”
Joe Adamson, Bugs Bunny Fifty Years And Only One Grey Hare

Jennifer L. Armentrout
“I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this."
My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian

Richelle Mead
“What's that?" he asked, when I stood beside him again.

"Halos," I said with a grin. "For heavenly creatures like us."

"That might be a stretch.”
Richelle Mead, Blood Promise

Tammara Webber
“Lucas: I wanted to talk to you after class, but you disappeared.

Me: I have another class right after. One of those profs who stops talking, stares at you and waits until you get to your seat if you're late.

Lucas: I would probably just walk to my seat even slower. ;)”
Tammara Webber, Easy

Dark Jar Tin Zoo
“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”
Dark Jar Tin Zoo, Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Dora J. Arod
“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”
Dora J. Arod, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo
“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
”
Dark Jar Tin Zoo, Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo
“I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.
”
Dark Jar Tin Zoo, I Had a Dream About You

Dora J. Arod
“I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all.”
Dora J. Arod, I Had a Dream About You

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