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Quotes About Funny But True

Quotes tagged as "funny-but-true" (showing 1-30 of 103)
Criss Jami
“Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.”
Criss Jami

Charles M. Schulz
“Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.”
Charles M. Schulz

Criss Jami
“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
Criss Jami

George Carlin
“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.”
Carroll Bryant

Alyson Noel
“Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off.
Because if not, how boring would that be?”
Alyson Noel, Radiance

“He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.”
Carroll Bryant

Criss Jami
“We men are fascinated by the things we don't really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.”
Criss Jami

E.A. Bucchianeri
“While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all.”
E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

Regina Griffin
“Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?”
Regina Griffin

“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”
Carroll Bryant

Criss Jami
“The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.”
Criss Jami

Stephanie Perkins
“I don't know.  I don't really like old movies.  The acting is so, 'Hey buddy, ol' pal.  Let's go wear our hats and have a big misunderstanding”
Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss

Criss Jami
“The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.”
Criss Jami

Criss Jami
“To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.”
Criss Jami

Michael Dobbs
“His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait that; in a spaniel. Or a whore.”
Michael Dobbs, House of Cards

Criss Jami
“Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.”
Criss Jami

Criss Jami
“If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.”
Criss Jami

Criss Jami
“I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.”
Criss Jami

“...if you aren't, at any given time, scandalized by code you wrote five or even three years ago, you're not learning anywhere near enough”
Nick Black

Regina Griffin
“Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.”
Regina Griffin

Chelsea Handler
“Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!”
Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

Criss Jami
“With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing.”
Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality

Solange nicole
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway.”
Solange nicole

“The internal combustion engine, one of the greatest technological advancements in history, has an unfortunate downside, namely air pollution so thick that, very soon, sixty-four packs of crayons will include the color Sky Brown”
Cuthbert Soup, A Whole Nother Story

Regina Griffin
“Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.”
Regina Griffin

Regina Griffin
“Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.”
Regina Griffin

“i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol”
Fee Scott

Criss Jami
“Whenever you feel like feeling like a devil's advocate, Bible-thump. That, in a worldly world, is the great irony and satire of evangelism.”
Criss Jami

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