Quotes About Condoms

Quotes tagged as "condoms" (showing 1-30 of 33)
Inga Muscio
“Men who refuse to use condoms do not deserve to be fucked by anyone but other men who refuse to use condoms.”
Inga Muscio

“Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you.”
Carroll Bryant

Slavoj Žižek
“Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.”
Slavoj Žižek

Jarod Kintz
“Gloves are condoms for the hands. My bare handshake might impregnate you.”
Jarod Kintz, The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

Karen Chance
“I didn't eat."
"What difference does that make?"
"I'm not like you. I can't recharge by feeding off someone. I need food."
"I know that! When was the last time you ate?"
"Yester--why the hell didn't you eat?"
"We had to go buy condoms, remember?"
"And you couldn't grab a sandwich on the way out?" he said hysterically. "I'm gonna die because you couldn't grab a sandwich?”
Karen Chance, Fury's Kiss

Chuck Palahniuk
“Condoms ribbed for extrasensitivity. The last thing I need is extrasensitivity. Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don't feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours. This seems to really miss the point. I want my whole life lined with a topical anesthetic.”
Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Karen Chance
“Start ringing things up then. This won't take long."
"Which ones?"
"I don't care." I push some at her. "These."
"These?" She looked dubious.
"Why not these?"
She glanced at Ray. "'Cause if that's your man, I'd say you can leave these off."
"Oh, no, you didn't." Ray said.
"What's this shit?" Ray demanded, looking at the saleclerk.
"Honey, truth hurts, but ain't no way you're a Magnum."
"Well, I ain't no medium!"
The clerk smiled. "Yeah, but I was being generous."
"What are you doing?" The clerk demanded as Ray grabbed another box. "I ain't rung those up yet."
Ray pulled out a foil package and tossed the box back on the counter. "So ring it up."
She arched an eyebrow, but didn't bother, maybe because she was watching him unbutton his fly. I caught his wrist. "What are you doing?"
"Proving a point."
"Not in the middle of the store, you're not."
"Ain't nobody here," the cashier reminded me. "And ain't no way he's filling that thing out.”
Karen Chance, Fury's Kiss

Kim Harrison
“I held my bag open and he dropped Jenks inside.

"Hey!" the pixy protested, and then, "Tink's little pink dildo, Rache? Haven't you gotten rid of those condoms yet? They got a shelf life, you know.”
Kim Harrison, The Undead Pool

Joe Dunthorne
“I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience.”
Joe Dunthorne, Submarine

Spike Milligan
“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
Spike Milligan, Puckoon

George Orwell
“For if in careless summer days
In groves of Ashtaroth we whored,
Repentant now, when winds blow cold,
We kneel before our rightful lord;

The lord of all, the money-god,
Who rules us blood and hand and brain,
Who gives the roof that stops the wind,
And, giving, takes away again;

Who spies with jealous, watchful care,
Our thoughts, our dreams, our secret ways,
Who picks our words and cuts our clothes,
And maps the pattern of our days;

Who chills our anger, curbs our hope,
And buys our lives and pays with toys,
Who claims as tribute broken faith,
Accepted insults, muted joys;

Who binds with chains the poet’s wit,
The navvy’s strength, the soldier’s pride,
And lays the sleek, estranging shield
Between the lover and his bride.”
George Orwell, Keep the Aspidistra Flying

Karen Marie Moning
It's not enough just to buy condoms, Cassidy; you have to use them.
Karen Marie Moning, Kiss of the Highlander

Jarod Kintz
“Jacksonville's unofficial moniker is "The Latex Capital of the Universe." But we don't wear condoms—we wear rubber gloves. We have the safest handshakes in the world.”
Jarod Kintz, I am Jacksonville

Jarod Kintz
“I had a dream about you. I was a consumer, and you were a consumed. My grocery list had 10 items on it. Items 1-9 were cat food, and the 10th item was condoms. But not for sex—they were to store my leftovers, as Tupperware had been decreed illegal by the king. 
Jarod Kintz, I had a dream about you 2

Naomi Wolf
“It seemed to me, watching, that if you were dextrous enough to gift-wrap an independent-minded amphibian, you could just about manage a condom.”
Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities

Jarod Kintz
“Love comes in many sizes, as do rubber nets called condoms. I use those nets to fish for tiny people.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I remembered during puberty, through the anorexic mists of intermittent menstrual cycles, that man, my father, lifting Shirley's nightdress over her head and asking her in his mocking way to choose what colour condom she wanted. 'Red or yellow?' Which did she choose? I can't remember. Perhaps she alternated. Perhaps there were other colours. It didn't happen once. It happened again and again. I had no power to stop it. That man, my father, had some control over me. I was drugged by the black silence in that big house, the vile whiff of aftershave, the crushing torment of inevitability. My father fucked Shirley using red or yellow condoms and it was those condoms that brought it all to an end. It was my last realization of the day; any more would have been too much to contemplate.
That time when my mother had found used condoms in bedroom, he had admitted, after a pointless burst my father's of denial, that he had been going to prostitutes. That was no doubt true but I can't imagine clients take used condoms away with them; prostitutes would surely get rid of the things. No. My father kept those used condoms as a prize. He was fucking his fourteen-year-old-daughter. He was proud of it.
Rebecca welled up with tears. Poor thing, she kept saying. Poor thing.”
Alice Jamieson, Today I'm Alice: Nine Personalities, One Tortured Mind

Jarod Kintz
“I had a dream about you. You were a dolphin in a fur coat, and I was your shrink telling you that you were experiencing feelings of mammal inadequacies. You thought instead of paying me, your money would be better spent on sex, and I agreed. So I sold you a box of condoms and dead fish.
Jarod Kintz, We Had A #Dream About You

“What are you gonna help us with? That very tiny used condom?”

Margaret Atwood
“Condoms seemed to her inherently wicked. But they were also inherently funny. They were like rubber gloves with only one finger, and every time she saw one she had to be severe with herself or she’d get the giggles, a terrifying thought because the man might think you were laughing at him, at his dick, at its size, and that would be fatal.”
Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride

Jarod Kintz
“I need to go to the store and pick up some condoms. But first I need to pick up some women.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Jarod Kintz
“She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names.”
Jarod Kintz, The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

Jarod Kintz
“I’ve decided I like making love on rainy days. Ever since she asked me to wear a raincoat.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Rush Limbaugh
“The worst of all of this is the lie that condoms really protect against AIDS. The condom failure rate can be as high as 20 percent. Would you get on a plane — or put your children on a plane — if one of five passengers would be killed on the flight? Well, the statistic holds for condoms, folks.”
Rush Limbaugh, The Way Things Ought to Be

Jarod Kintz
“With four tires on every car in the world, there’s too much rubber. All the Johns should take the condoms off their Johnsons.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Jarod Kintz
“I live dangerously, but I love safely. I always buy magnum condoms, because they’re the only ones that’ll fully stretch over my front door’s handle.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Jarod Kintz
“I’d ride an ostrich like I’d ride a horse: like a cowboy. And I make love with boots on, but only because condoms cut off the circulation in my ankles.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Jarod Kintz
“They should make condoms shaped like socks, so I could wear them with sandals and properly express my love for you.
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Carrie Mesrobian
“... I believe strongly in condoms. They avert babies and disease. They make you seem responsible, not slutty. They make the girl relax too, because you’re taking care of the risky part. Like you’re a professional. Roll it on, squeeze the tip, turn back to her, ready, set go. Like I’d just done a little disappearing act on myself and became something confident and wonderful. You can’t see through my latex disguise! You will love this so let’s get down! You don’t want to know how many times this worked in my favor.
God I feel like a fucking asshole sometimes. All the time, really.”
Carrie Mesrobian, Sex & Violence

Kenneth G. Eade
“So, a meaningful relationship. Dude, have fun, but wear a condom, that’s all I can say”
Kenneth G. Eade

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