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Quotes About Comedy

Quotes tagged as "comedy" (showing 1-30 of 1,011)
Dr. Seuss
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

Chris Rock
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
Chris Rock

Edgar Allan Poe
“Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.”
Edgar Allan Poe

William Shakespeare
“Lord, what fools these mortals be!”
William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

J.R. Ward
“You are a manipulator.
I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.”
J.R. Ward, Lover Eternal

Horace Walpole
“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”
Horace Walpole

Erma Bombeck
“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
Erma Bombeck

Stephen King
“A tragedy is a tragedy, and at the bottom, all tragedies are stupid. Give me a choice and I'll take A Midsummer Night's Dream over Hamlet every time. Any fool with steady hands and a working set of lungs can build up a house of cards and then blow it down, but it takes a genius to make people laugh.”
Stephen King

George Carlin
“We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.” And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Save the planet, we don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of f-ing Earth Day. I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is that there aren’t enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world safe for Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don’t give a shit about the planet. Not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They’re worried that some day in the future they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages … And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn’t going anywhere. WE are!

We’re going away. Pack your shit, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Maybe a little Styrofoam … The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed. And if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice toward plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?”

Plastic… asshole.”
George Carlin

Rick Riordan
“THAT'S IT!" Terminus cried. "That's AGAINST THE RULES!"
Polybotes frowned, obviously confused that he was being told off by a statue. "What are you?" he growled. "Shut up!"
He pushed the statue over and turned back to Percy.
"Now I'm MAD!" Terminus shrieked. "I'm strangling you. Feel that? Those are my hands around your neck, you big bully. Get over here! I'm going to head-butt you so hard--”
Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

Steve Martin
“Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life

Frank Zappa
“A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.”
Frank Zappa, The Real Frank Zappa Book

Mel Brooks
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
Mel Brooks

Ludwig van Beethoven
“Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est.

(Applaud, my friends, the comedy is over.)

[Said on his deathbed]”
Ludwig van Beethoven

Eric Idle
“Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.”
Eric Idle

Chris Rock
“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?”
Chris Rock

Graham Chapman
“I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
Graham Chapman, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Book): Mønti Pythøn Ik Den Hølie Gräilen

J.R. Ward
“The place is also big enough. We could all live there without killing each other." -Rhage
"That depends more on your mouth than any floorplan." -Phury”
J.R. Ward, Dark Lover

Jeannette Walls
“Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy. You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more.”
Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle

Jean Racine
“Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.”
Jean Racine

Lewis Black
“Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.”
Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith

Susan Elizabeth Phillips
“He shook his head. "The next time I hear a women going on about how neurotic men are, I'm going to remember this. You tell me you like my body, and what do I say? I say, thank you. Then I tell you I like yours and what do I hear? A long lists of grievances.”
Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Kiss an Angel

Julie Kagawa
“Ash nodded. “Look for Oberon or Mab,” he said grimly, scanning the battlefield. “They’ll likely be on opposite sides of the river. Try not to engage anything, Goodfellow. We don’t want a fight — we just want to get the scepter to the queen.”
“Don’t kid yourself, Prince.” Puck grinned and drew his daggers, pointing to Ash with the tip. “You’re a traitor, Meghan’s the Summer princess, and I’m Robin Goodfellow. I’m sure the ranks of Unseelie will just let us waltz right through.”
Julie Kagawa, The Iron Daughter

Susan Elizabeth Phillips
“She threw up her hands. "All right. Why not?"

Why not?"

Sure."

His arms fell to his sides. "That's it? I pour my heart out. I love you so much I've got freakin' tears in my eyes. And all I get in return is 'Why not'?"

What did you expect? Am I supposed to fall all over you just because you've finally come to your senses?"

Would it be too much to ask?"...He'd begun to glare at her again, his eyes growing stormier by the minute."When do you think you might be ready? To fall all over me, that is.”
Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Breathing Room

Judith McNaught
“You are mad!" she snapped, her chest heaving. "And you are a devil!"
"And you, my dear," Royce imperturbably replied, "are a bitch." With that, he
turned to the horrified friar and unhesitatingly announced, "The lady and I wish to be wed.”
Judith McNaught, A Kingdom of Dreams

Chelsea Handler
“You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.”
Chelsea Handler

Dylan Moran
“Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.”
Dylan Moran

Steve Martin
“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
Steve Martin

Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
“I'm standing in a slaughterhouse where the cattle are begging to become hamburgers. I have a right to be jumpy.”
Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, Shattered Mirror

Julia Quinn
“Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron,” Sebastian said approvingly. “Excellent choice.”

“You have read this?” Alexei asked.

“It’s not as good as Miss Davenport and the Dark Marquis, of course, but worlds better than Miss Sainsbury and the Mysterious Colonel.”

Harry found himself rendered speechless.

“I’m reading Miss Truesdale and the Silent Gentleman right now.”

“Silent?” Harry echoed.

“There is a noticeable lack of dialogue,” Sebastian confirmed.”
Julia Quinn, What Happens in London

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