Quotes About Codependency

Quotes tagged as "codependency" (showing 1-30 of 57)
Sam Keen
“There are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is 'Where am I going?' and the second is 'Who will go with me?'

If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”
Sam Keen, Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man

Sam Keen
“The psyche cannot tolerate a vacuum of love. In the severely abused or deprived child, pain, dis-ease, and violance rush in to fill the void. In the average person in our culture, who has been only "normally" deprived of touch, anxiety and an insatiable hunger for posessions replace the missing eros. The child lacking a sense of welcome, joyous belonging, gratuitous security, will learn to hoard the limited supply of affection. According to the law of psychic compensation, not being held leads to holding on, grasping, addiction, posessiveness. Gradually, things replace people as a source of pleasure and security. When the gift of belonging with is denied, the child learns that love means belongin to. To the degree we are arrested at this stage of development, the needy child will dominate our motivations. Other people and things (and there is fundamentally no difference) will be seen as existing solely for the purpose of "my" survival and satisfaction. "Mine" will become the most important word.”
Sam Keen, The Passionate Life: Stages of Loving

J. Kenner
“You’re what gives me strength. If I am what centers you, Nikki, then you are what anchors me. Every time I touch you, every time I bury myself deep inside you—Nikki, don’t you see?
You are the talisman of my life, and if I lose my grip on you, then I have lost myself.”
J. Kenner, Complete Me

Melody Beattie
“We Are Lovable
Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay. —Codependent No More

Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relationships that are less than we deserve because we don’t believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overreact. While growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren’t loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn’t love us, or love us in ways that worked, that’s not our fault. In recovery, we’re learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we’re learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us. Just as we may have believed that we’re unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships. It will improve our most important relationship: our relationship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve. Today, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.”
Melody Beattie

Coco J. Ginger

He keeps me in his pocket
for a rainy day;
he swears I'm not an object
as he yo-yo's me away.

A friend is what we'll call it,
but my friend, he does not know,
each time it rains I love him—
so to his pocket, I must go.

He thinks he's being clever,
but I am not a fool;
his love ain't worth a penny,
so to my heart I must be cruel.”
Coco J. Ginger

“Many of us live in denial of who we truly are because we fear losing someone or something-and there are times that if we don't rock the boat, too often the one we lose is ourselves...It feels good to be accepted, loved, and approved of by others, but often the membership fee to belong to that club is far too high of a price to pay.”
Dennis Merritt Jones

Melody Beattie
“We Are Lovable
Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.”
Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Coco J. Ginger

I'll always wonder what time it is there; if you're dreaming, or awake. My moon is your sun; my darkness, your light.

I'm in the future, you'd jokingly say.

And I know where you are, because I'm watching you from the past.”
Coco J. Ginger

Coco J. Ginger

They said that I’d forget you,
and I knew it wasn’t true.
But sometimes I wake up now,
and my heart’s no longer blue.

I press the Keurig button,
dancing across the room—
Sometimes it’s nearly seven,
before I’ve thought of you.

And though we sleep together,
all night side by side,
one day I’ll have my coffee
without you in my mind.”
Coco J. Ginger

Coco J. Ginger

If you ever decide to feel— feel this:
I love you. I always have. I always will.

Not because you're charming, beautiful
or lovable.
But because I choose you.
Everyday I wake up and I choose you—
again, and again, and again.

But if you cannot feel, and if you never
feel this, then know:
I do not love you. I never have. I never will.
Because you're not worth my love.

(Come back my love, I am drowning.)”
Coco J. Ginger

Mary Crocker Cook
“When I consider the men (like my father) I have treated in psychotherapy, I recognize the challenge I face as a counselor. These men are in counseling due to an insistent wife, troubled child or their own addiction. They suffer a lack of connection with the people they say they love most. Chronically accused of being over controlling or emotionally absent, they feel at sea when their wives and children claim to be lonely in their presence. How can these people feel “un-loved” when (from his perspective) he has dedicated his life to their welfare?

Some of these men will express their lack of vitality and emotional engagement though endless service. They are hyperaware of the moods, needs and prefer-ences of loved ones, yet their self-neglect can be profound. This text examines how a lack of secure early attachment with caregivers can result in the tendency to self-abandon while managing connections with significant others. Their anxiety and distrust of the connection of others will manifest in anxious monitoring, over-giving, passive aggressive approaches to anger and chronic worry. For them, failure to anticipate and meet the needs of others equals abandonment.”
Mary Crocker Cook, Codependency & Men

Rick Remender
“Fuck 'em. Call it whatever you want. Maybe it's just two people clinging to each other to stay alive. Maybe sometimes that's all love gets to be. And, maybe, if they hold onto each other long enough . . . maybe something good finally happens.”
Rick Remender, Tokyo Ghost, Vol. 1: Atomic Garden

Coco J. Ginger

Sometimes I wish
that he will live
and I will see him.

But mostly I wish
that he will die, and take
my memories with him.”
Coco J. Ginger

Mary Crocker Cook
“This dissociation from the body extends to emotional disengagement. Without access to his feelings a man can’t help but lose track of who he is, what his priorities are and what is normal for him.”
Mary Crocker Cook, Codependency & Men

Beverly Engel
“If you live your life to please everyone else, you will continue to feel frustrated and powerless. This is because what others want may not be good for you. You are not being mean when you say NO to unreasonable demands or when you express your ideas, feelings, and opinions, even if they differ from those of others.”
Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- And Start Standing Up for Yourself

Melody Beattie
“Once they have been affected---once "it" sets in---codependency takes on a life of its own. It is similar to catching pneumonia or picking up a destructive habit. Once you've got it, you've got it.

If you want to get rid of it, YOU have to do something to make it go away. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. Your codependency becomes your problem; solving your problems is your responsibility.”
Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Melody Beattie
“A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.”
Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Henry Cloud
“Problems arise when people act as if their "boulders" are daily loads, and refuse help, or as if their “daily loads" are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry. The results of these two instances are either perpetual pain or irresponsibility.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“The man reeks of mental illness. I can taste his pathology... Goes well with my palette.”
Juditta Salem

“Tell me, is there someone in your life who's been sharing your life too closely? A friend or a loved one? Is there someone who's been taking up your time and not giving any of it back?”
Alexandra Kleeman, You Too Can Have a Body Like Mine

Mary Crocker Cook
“The majority of research I’ve reviewed describes an intense male value on inde-pendence and what appears to be an almost phobic response to dependence. In fact, for many men it’s not even an option to ask for assistance or to admit they “don’t know.” This places tremendous pressure on men to deny their vulnerability and need for information which makes detachment from relationships easier.”
Mary Crocker Cook, Codependency & Men

Christopher Dines
“Isms’ are described as transference of addictive patterns of dysfunctional behaviour, passed down from generation to generation. For instance, if a mother was an alcoholic who never made it into recovery, her behaviour would leave a mark on her children, husband, etc. Unless her adult children join some sort of recovery programme and adopt the mindfulness practice, they will have very similar behaviour traits to their mother but minus the alcohol abuse. There is a strong possibility that they will become codependent and form relationships with other codependents or alcoholics.”
Christopher Dines, The Kindness Habit: Transforming our Relationship to Addictive Behaviours

Mary Crocker Cook
“Few men realize how much of their lives are lived in pursuit of the values our culture has traditionally associated with masculinity. These values – a primary focus on work, logical thinking and always being in emotional control – have many benefits to men and their families. When taken to extremes, the pursuit of traditional masculine values becomes a cage for feelings, a stranglehold on life itself.”
Mary Crocker Cook, Codependency & Men

Mary Crocker Cook
“It also strikes me that male-to-male bonding can create a gender role conflict, as it challenges the myth of full independence. Heroism is an exception. In fact, heroism has a long tradition as part of manhood. Bonds formed through natural disaster or war are exceptions to the typical “self-reliance” rules. These are op-portunities for men to experience a type of connection with each other that is ordinarily prohibited by the “rules” of manhood.”
Mary Crocker Cook, Codependency & Men

Melody Beattie
“Reactionaries...just feeling urgent and compulsive is enough to hurt us. Someone does something, so we must do something back Someone says something, so we must say something back. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IT.”
Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Daniel Marques
“There's no point in fighting for a woman that is rude and boring, just because she's hot. Such woman shortens your lifespan.”
Daniel Marques

Beverly Engel
“It is only when we feel deprived that we resent giving to others. Self-care does not mean you stop caring about others; it just means you start caring more about you. Start thinking about yourself more and others less. Since you have a choice between taking care of someone else, or giving to yourself, try choosing yourself sometimes.”
Beverly Engel, The Right to Innocence

“So many mothers are unable to let their children go into the adult life and become literally attached to them giving rise to codependency”
Sunday Adelaja

Susan B. Anthony
“There is not a woman born who desires to eat the bread of dependence, no matter whether it be from the hand of father, husband, or brother; for anyone who does so eat her bread places herself in the power of the person from whom she takes it.”
Susan B. Anthony

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