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Quotes About Funny

Quotes tagged as "funny" (showing 31-60 of 3,000)
John Green
“Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Jarod Kintz
“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Rachel Caine
“Perv."
He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?”
Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley

Rodney Dangerfield
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
Rodney Dangerfield

Gena Showalter
“What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.”
Gena Showalter, Oh My Goth

Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Nicholas Sparks
“Do you want a cookie?
- What?
- A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one?
- No.
- How can you not want a cookie?
- I just don't.
- Okay, fine,let's say you did want a cookie. Let's say you were dying for a cookie, and there were cookies in the cupboard. What would you do?
- I'd eat a cookie?
- Exactly. That's all I'm saying.
- What are you saying?
- That if people want cookies, they should get a cookie. It's what people do.
- Let me guess. Dad won't let you have a
cookie?
- No. Even though I'm practically starving to death, he won't even consider it. He says I have to have a sandwich first.
- And you don't think that's fair.
- You just said you'd get a cookie if you wanted one. So why can't I? I'm not a little kid. I can make my own decisions.
- Hmm. I can see why this bothers you so
much.
- It's not fair. If he wants a cookie, he can have one. If you want a cookie,
you can have one. But if I want a cookie, the rules don't count. Like you
said, it's not fair.
- So what are you going to do?
- I'm going to eat a sandwich. Because I have to. Because the world isn't fair
to ten-year-olds.”
Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Rick Riordan
“Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)”
Rick Riordan

Wendy Mass
“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
All the time.”
Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

J.K. Rowling
“Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Jarod Kintz
“The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

Masashi Kishimoto
“She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..”
Masashi Kishimoto, Naruto, Vol. 18: Tsunade's Choice

“I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?”
SD Lennox, I Don't Remember You

Gena Showalter
“I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist”
Gena Showalter, Seduce the Darkness

Veronica Roth
“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"
"I'm always a girl" I frown.
"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"
I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.”
Veronica Roth, Divergent

Rick Riordan
“Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.
The horse whinnied angrily.
"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.
Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

J.K. Rowling
“But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Robert Benchley
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley

Jarod Kintz
“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Cassandra Clare
“aren't you, uh... reproducing?

"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Rodney Dangerfield
“Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.”
Rodney Dangerfield

Lauren Myracle
“I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.”
Lauren Myracle

Gena Showalter
“Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?”
Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts

Richelle Mead
“You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it."
"I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."
And then he took me to the bed.”
Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy

Jarod Kintz
“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want

James Patterson
“Can I come in?
No! I'm in a towel!
I'm blind!”
James Patterson

Benjamin Franklin
“A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”
Benjamin Franklin

Jarod Kintz
“I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want

Lewis Carroll
“Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!”
Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

Isaac Asimov
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
Isaac Asimov

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