quote

Quotes About Beard

Quotes tagged as "beard" (showing 1-30 of 45)
Jarod Kintz
“I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Derek Landy
“It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, your
beard’s stupid.”
“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of us
getting along so well.”
Derek Landy, The Faceless Ones

Jarod Kintz
“You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try to deny the existence of nonexistence?
”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Charles A. Beard
“When its dark enough you can see the stars.”
Charles A. Beard

James Beard
“The only thing that will make a souffle fall is if it knows you're afraid of it.”
James Beard

Jarod Kintz
“In the name of freedom and redistribution of wealth, I’ve decided to grow a beard on my chest.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Craig Ferguson
“By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!”
Craig Ferguson

Dodie Smith
“How can a young man like to wear a beard?”
Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle
tags: beard

Jarod Kintz
“I have a beard of grass. I grew it on my back, and sometimes my neighbor mows it for me. Meow!”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Eric Hendrixson
“I'm a pretty clean eater, so my beard probably just smells like the blood of my enemies, as usual.”
Eric Hendrixson

Jarod Kintz
“I enjoy scratching itches on my body with my beard stubble. The worst though is when my lower back itches.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

Jarod Kintz
“I want to grow a Loyalty Beard, to prove my commitment to my favorite shaving cream.”
Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

Jarod Kintz
“Drought is the best thing that ever happened to my lawn. And my beard.”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“There is no shortage of well-known pirates, including: Henry Morgan, Captain Kidd, Blackbeard, Blue beard, Yellowbeard, and Yellow beard with Black Roots, who surmised that, if blondes have more fun, then blond pirates must have a heck of a lot more fun.”
Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

Jarod Kintz
“I’ve been using the same razor since Occam (William of Ockham) shaved off his beard of excessive assumption. My morning routine is always the same. I wake up, brush my teeth, shower, shave, then I put on my goat costume and go flirt with the shepherd girl who lives in the mountains not far from my cave.”
Jarod Kintz, American Association for the Advancement of Aardvarks Presents: Dear Natalie

Jarod Kintz
“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like my combo meal with a side of long white beard, and I’d like it to go. Now, damnit! Fast food simply isn’t fast enough for me. I’m so quick that I need a refill on my drink, and I haven’t even taken a sip.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Jarod Kintz
“I’m growing an Abe Lincoln beard. On my ball sack.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Jarod Kintz
“If anybody ever tells me to face them like a man, I’ll get offended, because my face can’t grow a beard.”
Jarod Kintz

Jarod Kintz
“My ex girlfriend, she gave great log cabin. But she couldn’t write a speech like Lincoln. So I grew a beard and broke up with her.”
Jarod Kintz

Jarod Kintz
“While getting a haircut, I thought about my failed marriage. Instead of feeling bad, I thought I’d grow a beard, move to the mountains, and start over.”
Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

Jarod Kintz
“I can’t even hear the phrase ‘Four score and seven years ago’ without thinking of what?” my mom asked.

“A top hat and a beard,” I replied.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Jarod Kintz
“I thought she was sexy until I noticed she had a beard.”
Jarod Kintz

Jason Carter Eaton
“When nothing worked, he decided the least he could do was pick the yam bits out of his beard. But even the proved fruitless since the bits seemed to find their way into the deepest recesses of the beard, and the just small enough boy quickly grew squeamish. Judge if you must, but if you've ever had to pick yam bits out of an old man's bushy beard, I'm sure you'd forgive him.”
Jason Carter Eaton, The Facttracker

Amy Leigh Strickland
“...'beard' isn't really a superpower.”
Amy Leigh Strickland, The Pantheon

Jarod Kintz
“If beards flowed like rivers, then I’d stop shaving my facial St. John’s, and I’d have one of the few major beards in the world that grew north.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Jarod Kintz
“I wish I could grow out a beard, but my employer won’t let me. Also, Mother Nature won’t let me either. She’s not my real mother, you know. I adopted her.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Jarod Kintz
“I’m as much a lover as a cumulous cloud is a beard of God. My mustache can’t make rain the way I make love.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

« previous 1
All Quotes | My Quotes | Add A Quote


Browse By Tag

More...