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Quotes About Ass

Quotes tagged as "ass" (showing 1-30 of 64)
Jarod Kintz
“I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

John Kennedy Toole
“Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?”
John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

C.S. Lewis
“It is not your business to succeed, but to do right. When you have done so the rest lies with god.”
C.S. Lewis
tags: ass, kick

Jarod Kintz
“I got a boob job on my butt, and be honest here, does this bra make my ass look fat?”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Anthony Liccione
“There are four kinds of people to avoid in the world: the assholes, the asswipes, the ass-kissers, and those that just will shit all over you.”
Anthony Liccione

William Shakespeare
“Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass.”
William Shakespeare, The Complete Works

Patrick Rothfuss
“Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.”
Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

Jarod Kintz
“Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry.”
Jarod Kintz, How to put out forest fires with your naked body

Dave Matthes
“I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.”
Dave Matthes, Sleepeth Not, the Bastard

Jarod Kintz
“How do two retards eat a turd sandwich? Well, not by first wiping their ass with wheat bread like I showed them.”
Jarod Kintz, How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Jarod Kintz
“It’s your ass on the line. Grab it thinly.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Jarod Kintz
“Don’t try blowing smoke up my ass, because you’ll find my anus blocked—by a cigar.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Mark Twain
“I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.”
Mark Twain

Jarod Kintz
“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia in the middle of winter wearing only shorts?”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

Jarod Kintz
“If a building were shaped like a body, I’d imagine you’d exit out the rear.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Jarod Kintz
“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they way my boss’ ass smells when he’s shouting at me.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“I plugged the hole up with my thumb, so at least I wouldn’t sink. But it was really uncomfortable floating on that lake with my thumb up my ass.”
Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

Jarod Kintz
“The bottom of a cup of coffee is not as good as the bottom of her body—which is actually in the middle of her body.”
Jarod Kintz, I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Jarod Kintz
“I’m feeling morass, when I should be feeling more ass. I can put my sadness behind me with what’s behind you.”
Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

Jarod Kintz
“A half a hole is the same as a whole hole, no matter how much love you intend to bury. Love is a treasure, and to keep it safe you need to do as the pirates did—and focus on the booty. With treasure, it’s not about the chest—it’s all about the booty.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“She had an ass behind her that went on for days. In fact, I’m still talking about her.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“If I were a box of cereal, I wouldn’t want to talk about myself any more than I do now. Just flip me over and read all about me if you’re curious. Everything you need to know is printed right on my ass.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Jarod Kintz
“I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness can be oh so naughty.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“There is a hole in my buttocks. I’d like to return it, or at the very least exchange it for a new one.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Jarod Kintz
“If it looks like you have pink eye, I’ll take a look at it. Drop your pants and bend over.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“She had no mind, but I didn’t mind, because she had a body like an upside down question mark.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
tags: ass, body, humor

Jarod Kintz
“I tattooed my name on my buttocks, so you’d know what an ass I am. Also so either me or my clone could claim me, if I ever got lost.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Tao Lin
“i recommend the phrase 'pineapple ass”
Tao Lin

Jarod Kintz
“Sitting on my ass all day long is fun and all, but I’d rather sit on your ass. More padding, like an overstuffed sofa.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
tags: ass, humor, lazy

Jarod Kintz
“I rented a dress, but not an address. That I had to buy, though it made my ass look like two sacks of lumpy cream cheese. Who wants a bagel?”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

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