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Quotes About Funny

Quotes tagged as "funny" (showing 211-240 of 3,000)
Henny Youngman
“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”
Henny Youngman

Cassandra Clare
“And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels

Denis Leary
“All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.”
Denis Leary

Cassandra Clare
“I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter," said Jace. "I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. ”
Wendell Johnson

Claudia Gray
“Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.”
Claudia Gray, Evernight

Jeaniene Frost
“Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.”
Jeaniene Frost, One Foot in the Grave

Jennifer L. Armentrout
“I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."

Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--"

"Shut up." I shook my head and started walking.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal

Jennifer L. Armentrout
“Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!”
Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal

Lance Armstrong
“A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.”
Lance Armstrong

Jarod Kintz
“I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Jarod Kintz
“Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Jarod Kintz
“I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want

Charlaine Harris
“Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.”
Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World

Rick Riordan
“Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames.”
Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

Richelle Mead
“Whatever happened to the dragon?"

I mustered my primmest tone. "He has a name, you know."

Adrian pulled back and gave me a curious look. "I didn't know, actually. What'd you decide on?"

"Hopper." When Adrian laughed, I added, "Best rabbit ever. He'd be proud to know his name is being passed on."
"Yes, I'm sure he would. Did you name the Mustang too?"
"I think you mean the Ivashkinator."

He stared at me in wonder. "I told you I loved you, right?
"Yes," I assured him. "Many times.”
Richelle Mead, The Indigo Spell

J.K. Rowling
“Which way did they go, Peeves?" Filch was saying. "Quick, tell me."
"Say 'please.'"
"Don't mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?"
"Shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice.
"All right- PLEASE."
"NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!" And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Jarod Kintz
“Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Jarod Kintz
“The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago.”
Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Jarod Kintz
“Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies.”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Jarod Kintz
“With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

Jarod Kintz
“Sometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors" opened up for "The Cars.”
Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Jarod Kintz
“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Jarod Kintz
“I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Hiromu Arakawa
“Haven't you ever heard of the saying, "If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!"?' --Lin
If you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!' --Ed”
Hiromu Arakawa, Fullmetal Alchemist, Vol. 14

Jarod Kintz
“Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Jarod Kintz
“If two heads are better than one, then what about double chins? On that note, I will help myself to seconds.”
Jarod Kintz

Jarod Kintz
“I want a billion people to know my name as well as they know their own. I want to clone myself to fame.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

Jarod Kintz
“I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones.”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

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