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Quotes About Absurd

Quotes tagged as "absurd" (showing 181-210 of 792)
John Kennedy Toole
“Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?”
John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

Jarod Kintz
“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to teach you patience. And also that sometimes you get ice with no water, and later you’ll get water with no ice. Ah, but that’s life, no?
”
Jarod Kintz, Ah, but that's life, no?

Norton Juster
“Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub?”
Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

Kim Harrison
“You need to be clever to best him. Are you clever, Rachel?”
Oh God. She wants to know if I’m clever. I glanced at Al, and he stared at me, then shrugged. Licking my lips, I said, “It’s the shiny pot that puts a hole in the sky.”
Al’s mouth dropped open, but Newt thought about it, her expression thoughtful and her fingers finally leaving her knife. “Very true,” she said as she eased back into the cushions.
With a soft click of his teeth, Al’s mouth shut. His eyes were cross, and he seemed peeved that I’d found a way to satisfy her without compromising myself at all.”
Kim Harrison, Pale Demon

Jasper Fforde
“How fishy on the fishiness scale? Ten is a stickleback and one is a whale shark."

"A whale isn't a fish, Thursday."

"A whale shark is--sort of."

"All right, it's as fishy as a crayfish."

"A crayfish isn't a fish."

"A starfish, then."

"Still not a fish."

"This is a very odd conversation, Thursday.”
Jasper Fforde, Lost in a Good Book

André Breton
“The mind, placed before any kind of difficulty, can find an ideal outlet in the absurd. Accommodation to the absurd readmits adults to the mysterious realm inhabited by children.”
André Breton

Jarod Kintz
“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking. Somebody might ask me, “Hey, do you want to go for a walk?” and I’ll reply, “Nope. But I do want to have a seat on a chair with wheels and roll along with you.” So maybe flight isn’t so cool after all. Possibly birds get pissed off they have to fly everywhere. 
”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Vivian Mercier
“[Waiting for Godot] has achieved a theoretical impossibility—a play in which nothing happens, that yet keeps audiences glued to their seats. What's more, since the second act is a subtly different reprise of the first, he has written a play in which nothing happens, twice.”
Vivian Mercier

W.H. Auden
“I smell blood and an era of prominent madmen.”
W.H. Auden

Jarod Kintz
“Conspiracy theorists like to claim NASA’s moon landing was faked. Well of course it was! But the biggest conspiracy of all is the Columbus landed in the new world in the late 15th century. There is no new world. It simply doesn’t exist. And Amerigo Vespucci? He was a character out of Walt Disney’s diary.
”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Jarod Kintz
“He works for the CIA. Johnny Redyellow is his name, but I just simply call him Agent Orange.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Jarod Kintz
“What more proof do you need to illustrate how America is the land of the free than the fact that the US has the highest incarceration rate in the world?
”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Jarod Kintz
“As we were walking home the other night, Orafoura turned to me and said, “Were you aware that there are places in the universe where time doesn’t exist?”
“I know,” I replied. “That’s where I went to buy my last watch.”
Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Series Mute Women

Jarod Kintz
“I’d rather have nobody to say anything to, than have nothing to say to anybody.”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Jarod Kintz
“The first thing she told me after I hit on her was that she had a boyfriend of nine months, and I thought, what kind of sick bitch dates infants?”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

Jarod Kintz
“I think the two greatest inventions in the history of mankind are the remote control and the fingernail clipper. Now, if someone could just combine those two, I’d be very eager to clip my nails from across the room.”
Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Series Mute Women

Jarod Kintz
“I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils.”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

Woody Allen
“I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket.
He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.”
Woody Allen

Thomas Nagel
“Absurdity is one of the most human things about us: a manifestation of our most advanced and interesting characteristics.

Thomas Nagel

Jarod Kintz
“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs and then come back up? Same destination, same distance, same amount of work, but two different paths. Who knows, I might find love on one path. Probably the path I don’t choose. 
”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Jarod Kintz
“I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

Jarod Kintz
“Scoop out my soul with a spoon like it’s a cantaloupe, and I’ll tell you that love is breakfast. And I’d love to make breakfast to Agatha one more time.”
Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Flight of the Conchords
“The humans are dead (I'm glad they are dead)
The humans are dead (I noticed, they're dead)
We used poisonous gases (With traces of lead)
And we poisoned their asses (Actually, their lungs)
Binary solo!
0000001, 00000011
000000111, 00001111!”
Flight of the Conchords

Jarod Kintz
“My grandmother is dating a grandfather clock, and I’ve started wearing a wristwatch on my ankle. I also wear my love for Agatha like a raincoat, and I am jealous of every umbrella I see.”
Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Jarod Kintz
“I am Fried Quiero Loud Babcock (not bad cock), and I am here for the ranch dressing your father promised my father, 53 years ago. Kindly pour some on my salad and I’ll be on my way.”
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Jarod Kintz
“When I sing, it sounds like I’m gargling spaghetti. Is it any wonder that women lust after me and mail me their panties? (Mail to: Jarod Kintz/12358 Fibonacci Way/Jacksonville, Fl 32258)
”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Jarod Kintz
“The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed it in my trunk, and took it home to wear to work the next day. Ah, but that’s life, no?”
Jarod Kintz, Ah, but that's life, no?

Jarod Kintz
“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?”
Jarod Kintz, Ah, but that's life, no?

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