"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. "
— Matt Groening

"Marge, it takes two to lie- one to lie, and one to listen. (Homer Simpson)"
— Matt Groening

"I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me."
— Matt Groening

""Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." - Homer Simpson"
— Matt Groening

"Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!
— Russ Cargill"
— Matt Groening

""I am fine, my feelings are mad" (Homer Simpsons)."
— Matt Groening

"It doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know. It's what shows up on the surface that counts. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees, until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you... and happiness will follow. (Marge Simpson)"
— Matt Groening

"Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughin’, did you?”
- Homer Simpson"
— Matt Groening

""Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder"
- Homer Simpson's version of Pascal's Wager"
— Matt Groening

"Worst day of your life so far"
— Homer Simpson

""I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens, he came in peace and then died, only to come back to life, and his name was E.T., the extra terestrial. I loved that little guy."
- Reverend Lovejoy"
— Matt Groening

""This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now let us say the lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate."
- Rev. Lovejoy"
— Matt Groening

"I hope 'do not push' means 'push right away!'"
— Homer Simpson

"Welcome to Suckersville, man."
— Matt Groening (The Simpsons : A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family)

"Oh look who's here: The family with one baby. How do you manage?"
— Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon

"I take a whiskey drink! I take a chocolate drink! And when I have to pee I use the kitchen sink!"
— Homer Simpson from The Simpsons