"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one."
— Marilyn Monroe

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
— Dave Barry

"Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking."
— Amy Sedaris (I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence)

"ive said it before and ill say it again my lord. you are an evil man. "
— Tamora Pierce (Squire)

"Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so stay wasted all the time and enjoy the time of your life."
— Amanullah Ashraf

"The gods too are fond of a joke."
— Aristotle

"Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog."
— Jim Benton

"Our country is the best country in the world. We are swimming in prosperity and our President is the best president in the world. We have larger apples and better cotton and faster and more beautiful machines. This makes us the greatest country in the world. Unemployment is a myth. Dissatisfaction is a fable. In preparatory school America is beautiful. It is the gem of the ocean and it is too bad. It is bad because people believe it all. Because they become indifferent. Because they marry and reproduce and vote and they know nothing."
— John Cheever

"If your not white, your not right."
— Uncle Bill