""Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?" ter Borcht snapped, which his assistant waited, pen in hand.

Gazzy thought. "I have X-ray vision," he said. He peered at ter Borcht's chest, then blinked and looked alarmed.

Ter Borcht was startled for a second, but then he frowned. "Don't write dat down," he told his assistant in irritation. The assistant froze in midsentence.

~

"You. Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?"

Nudge chewed on a fingernail. "You mean, like, besides the WINGS?" She shook her shoulders gently, and her beautiful fawn-colored wings unfolded a bit.

His face flushed, and I felt like cheering. "Yes," he said stiffly. "Besides de vings."

"Hmm. Besides de vings." Nudge tapped one finger against her chin. "Um..." Her face brightened. "I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"

"Hardly a special talent," ter Borcht said witheringly.

Nudge was offended. "Yeah? Let's see YOU do it." ...

... "I vill now eat nine Snickers bars," Gazzy said in a perfect, creepy imitation of ter Borcht's voice, "visout bahfing."

~

Iggy rubbed his forehead with one hand. "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony."

Ter Borcht tsked. "You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold on to someone's shirt, yes? Following dem closely?"

"Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert"...

~

Fang pretended to think, gazing up at the ceiling. "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica."

~

"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!" Gazzy barked."
— James Patterson

"You only live twice:
Once when you're born
And once when you look death in the face."
— Ian Fleming (You Only Live Twice)

"You don't love a girl because of beauty. You love her because she sings a song only you can understand."
— L.J. Smith (Secret Vampire)

"Think you're escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home."
— James Joyce (Ulysses)

"I told you. You don't love someone because of their looks or their clothes or their car. You love them because they sing a song only your heart can understand."
— L.J. Smith

"'You'll stay with me?'
'Until the very end,' said James."
— J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

""Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries."
I opened my eyes wide. "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the
Lord's work and all.""
— James Patterson (School's Out - Forever)

""You know, you've never really cared about anyone," he said. "But someday you will, and it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt a lot." "
— L.J. Smith (Secret Vampire)

""And you're blind?"
"Uh-huh," Iggy said, trying to sound bored.
"Were you born that way?"
"No."
"How did you become blind, uh, Jeff, is it?"
"Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened." "
— James Patterson (School's Out - Forever)

"Mr Bond, they have a saying in Chicago: 'Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it’s enemy action.'"
— Ian Fleming

"All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up."
— James Baldwin

"I realize that they giggle and I actually laugh, that they show their cleavage and I have none to show, but just so you know, I am also a girl. I'm one of the three wise MEN. And it's gay to think that James Bond is hot."
— John Green

"Mr Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods' roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine."
— James Joyce

""Names Bond, James Bond.""
— Ian Fleming (Casino Royale)

"Hey—let’s get something straight. It’s a vampire/alien/ zombie/warlock hybrid flick."
— Julie James (Just the Sexiest Man Alive)

"My, my, aren’t we pushy . . ."
— Julie James (Just the Sexiest Man Alive)

"“Well, at least I’m not a stubborn, button-pushing, Prius-driving, chip-on-your-shoulder-holding, ‘stay-at-home-mom’-is-the-eighth-dirty-word-thinking feminazi!”"
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"Holy fuck—would somebody please tell him why a massive photo of a penis was sitting front and center in the courtroom?"
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

""The pessimist complains about the wind; the optomist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
"
— William Arthur Ward college administrator writer 1921-1994

"absofuckinglutely!"
— Julie James (Just the Sexiest Man Alive)

"It was easy not to think of my future; I didn't have one."
— James Ellroy

"Sweet Jesus.
It was The Delicious in the dark shirt and jeans."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"maybe you’re sleeping and I suppose I could just say this in the morning, but now I can’t sleep and I’m just lying here so I might as well get it over with, and well . . .I’m sorry about this afternoon, J.D. The first spill honestly was an accident, but the second . . . okay, that was completely uncalled for. I’m, um, happy to pay for the dry cleaning. And, well . . . I guess that’s it. Although you really might want to rethink leaving your jacket on your chair. I’m just saying. Okay, then. That’s what they make hangers for. Good. Fine. Good-bye.”

J.D. heard the beep, signaling the end of the message, and he hung up the phone. He thought about what Payton had said—not so much her apology, which was question-ably mediocre at best—but something else.

She thought about him while lying in bed.

Interesting.

Later that night, having been asleep for a few hours, J.D. shot up in bed

He suddenly remembered—her shoe.
Oops."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"J.D. nodded. Yes, yes, fine, thank you. Nice attitude, by the way. Like boss, like secretary."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"She looked for the deposition transcript she had dropped, she turned around and—

—the entire audience in the galley cried out in shock.

Unbeknownst to Payton, when she had fallen her skirt—those damn slim-fit skirts she liked so much—had torn at the seam and now gaped open, and sweet Jesus, she was wearing a thong and two tiny white butt cheeks peeked out from between the folds of her skirt—

J.D.’s jaw nearly hit the floor."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"He also had a condition that was referred to as granulated eyelids and it caused him to blink more than usual, as if he found creation slightly more than he could accept."
— Ron Hansen

""The work of my hands today will help many tomorrow, so I don't mind the blisters""
— Daniel James Martinusen

" I wrote my first novel, McFarlane Boils The Sea, under the influence of Kelman and Proust, which is like drinking a cocktail of Bowmore and Châteauneuf du Pape.
(James Meek in interview with TMO)"
— James Meek

"J.D. scoffed at this. “Please—as if I’m worried about anything Payton has to say. What’s she going to do, give me another one of her little pissed-off hair flips?” He flung imaginary long hair off his shoulders, exaggerating. “I’ll tell you, one of these days I’m going to grab her by that hair and . . .” He gestured as if throttling someone.
Without breaking stride, he returned Tyler’s serve. The two smashed a few back and forth, concentrating on the game when—
“Is violence always part of your sexual fantasies?” Tyler interjected.
J.D. whipped around—
“Sexual—?”
—and got hit smack in the face with the squash ball. He toppled back and sprawled ungracefully across the court.
Tyler stepped over and twirled his racquet. “This is nice. We should talk like this more often.”"
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"Score one for Team Kendall, Payton thought.
Not that it was a competition between them.
Not at all."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"“Then I should be able to say anything I want, right? Even the word ‘penis’?”
Laney sighed. “Do we have to do this right now?”
“You should try saying the word sometime.”
“I’ll pass, thank you.”
Payton shrugged. “Your choice, but I think you’d find it liberating. Everybody could use a good ‘penis’ now and then.”
Laney glanced nervously around the coffee shop. “People are listening.”
“Sorry—you’re right. Good rule of thumb: if you’re gonna throw out a ‘penis’ in a public place, it should be soft. Otherwise it attracts too much attention.”
The woman at the next table gaped at them."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"“I’m a bit of a novice myself.” She smiled. Then she turned back to Jasper. “And please, call me Payton.”
“Like one of my favorite quarterbacks,” Jasper grinned.
“Only with an a instead of an e. And slightly fewer yards in passing,” Payton said. Damn—now she’d already blown one of the three measly sports references she knew in the first two minutes.
Jasper laughed. “Slightly fewer yards in passing—I like that.” He turned to J.D., gesturing to Payton. “Where have you been hidin’ this girl, J.D.?”"
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"“Lesbian?”
Payton turned around and saw J.D. standing there.
Maybe it was the wine. Maybe she was basking in the glow of their successful pitch to Gibson’s. Maybe it was her promise to Laney to be the “New Payton,” or maybe it was a combination of all those things. But Payton actually found herself smiling at J.D.
“It’s just an excuse, the lesbian thing,” she said."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"Grace before Glutton. For what we are, gifs a gross if we are, about to believe."
— James Joyce

"TEMPORARY INSANITY."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"Now anyone who has ever been on a blind date is well familiar with “The Moment”—that moment where you first walk into the bar or restaurant or coffee shop and scan the crowd and suddenly your heart stops and you say to yourself: oh, please—let it be him."
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)

"Payton grinned. “You must be Chase.” As she extended her hand in introduction, she took the opportunity to give him a more thorough once-over.

He had dark wavy hair and warm brown eyes. Very Pat-rick Dempsey/McDreamy-esque. Good build, not terribly tall, maybe only five-ten-ish, but since Payton measured in at exactly five-three and one-third inch, she could work with this"
— Julie James (Practice Makes Perfect)