"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
— Rodney Dangerfield

"Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key!'"
— Anaïs Nin

"'Jane,' I said quietly.
She opened her eyes, she had been far away in prayer.
'Yes, Mary? Forgive me, I was praying.'
'If you go on flirting with the king with those sickly little smiles, one of us Boleyns is going to scratch your eyes out.'"
— Philippa Gregory (The Other Boleyn Girl)

"Why did God make women so beautiful and man with such a loving heart?"
— Walker Percy (Love in the Ruins)

""Never chase after elevators, buses or men. There will always be another one!""
— Anonymousmale1

"I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong. "
— Haruki Murakami (South of the Border, West of the Sun)

"Women enjoyed, are like romances read, or shows, once seen, mere tricks of the sleight of hand, which, when found out, you only wonder at yourselves for wondering so before at them. 'Tis expectation endears the blessing; Heaven would not be Heaven, could we tell what 'tis. When the plot's out you have done with the play, and when the last act's done, you see the curtain drawn with great indifferency."
— Aphra Behn (The Plays, Histories And Novels Of The Ingenious Mrs. Aphra Behn With Life And Memoirs V1)