"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."
— Chelsea Handler (My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands)

"Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!"
— Tom Robbins (Still Life with Woodpecker)

"I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind..."
— Terry Pratchett

"A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman after four kisses."
— H.L. Mencken