"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
— Ernest Hemingway

"We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail."
— David Sedaris (Naked)

"I drink to make other people more interesting."
— Ernest Hemingway

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."
— Chelsea Handler (My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands)

"Write drunk; edit sober."
— Ernest Hemingway

"I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom."
— Edgar Allan Poe

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
— Drew Carey

"Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now."
— Charles Bukowski

"Next to music beer was best."
— Carson McCullers (The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter)

"After the first glass of vodka
you can accept just about anything
of life even your own mysteriousness
you think it is nice that a box
of matches is purple and brown and is called La Petite and comes from Sweden
for they are words that you know and that is all you know words not their feelings or what they mean and you write because you know them not because you understand them because you don't you are stupid and lazy and will never be great but you do what you know because what else is there?"
— Frank O'Hara (The Collected Poems of Frank O'Hara)

"Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!"
— Tom Robbins (Still Life with Woodpecker)

"Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!"
— Warren Ellis

"I went to the worst of bars
hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.
"
— Charles Bukowski

"Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home."
— Chelsea Handler

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
— Jeff Foxworthy

"One more drink and I'll be under the host."
— Mae West

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
— Ernest Hemingway

"I wish I could drink like a lady.
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table.
Four and I'm under the host."
— Dorothy Parker

"For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it’s funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even made it to the bed. I’d squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I’m now told that this is not called “going to sleep” but rather “passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment."
— David Sedaris (Me Talk Pretty One Day)

""I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.""
— Tom Waits

"After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world."
— Oscar Wilde

"Work is the scourge of the drinking class."
— Oscar Wilde

"There is no such joy in the tavern as upon the road thereto."
— Cormac McCarthy (Blood Meridian: Or the Evening Redness in the West)

"Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other merry thing. Sometimes we must drink more, sport, recreate ourselves, and even sin a little to spite the devil, so that we leave him no place for troubling our consciences with trifles. We are conquered if we try too conscientiously not to sin at all. So when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther

"I'm not nearly as think as you drunk I am."
— Margaret Houlinhan

"When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument."
— C.S. Forester (African Queen)

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
— Henny Youngman

"Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain —
Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today."
— Edgar Allan Poe

"I like bars just after they open in the evening. When the air inside is still cool and clean and everything is shiny. The first quiet drink of the evening in a quiet bar -- that's wonderful."
— Raymond Chandler (The Long Goodbye)

"At the time I started in ballet they were dancing 'The Spirit of Champagne' on pointe, in Paris. I thought, 'I don't want to dance the spirit of champagne, I want to drink it!'"
— Martha Graham (Martha Graham: Blood Memory: An Autobiography)

"When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place."
— Jimmy Breslin

"There was a tacit understanding between them that 'liquor helped'; growing more miserable with every glass one hoped for the moment of relief."
— Graham Greene (The Heart of the Matter)

"Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets."
— Dudley Moore

"Guilt is also a way for us to express to others that we are a person of good conscience. 'I feel really guilty about getting drunk last night,' we say, when in actual fact we feel no guilt whatsoever or, at least, we could choose to feel no guilt. When people say to me, 'I drank too much last night,' I always reply, 'I drank exactly the right amount.'"
— Tom Hodgkinson (The Freedom Manifesto: How to Free Yourself from Anxiety, Fear, Mortgages, Money, Guilt, Debt, Government, Boredom, Supermarkets, Bills, Melancholy, Pain, Depression, and Waste)

"Drinking just to get drunk is like having sex just to get pregnant.
"
— Robert Hess

"I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it."
— Mark Twain

"Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk."
— Eugene Mirman (The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life)

"They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games."
— Casey Stengel

"Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples."
— Warren Ellis

"Rumor had it that he was homosexual; in reality, in recent years, he was simply a garden-variety alcoholic."
— Michel Houellebecq (The Elementary Particles)

"Glasses are for people that sips instead of drinks."
— Kai Starr (Three Ways From Sunday: A Desperado Novel)

"I always take it Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it."
— Mark Twain

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— Capella flavor drops

"I like bars just after they open in the evening. When the air inside is still cool and clean and everything is shiny. The first quiet drink of the evening in a quiet bar -- that's wonderful."
— Raymond Chandler (The Long Goodbye)

"Sensible people advise against drinking on an empty stomach, but to my mind it is the best sort of drinking."
— Tom Hodgkinson