"Well?" Ron said finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?"
Harry considered it for a moment. "Wet," he said truthfully.
Ron made a noise that might have indicated jubilation or disgust, it was hard to tell.
"Because she was crying," Harry continued heavily.
"Oh," said Ron, his smile faded slightly. "Are you that bad at kissing?"
"Dunno," said Harry, who hadn't considered this, and immediately felt rather worried. "Maybe I am.""
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?"
— Gena Showalter (Animal Instincts)

"I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same."
— Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)

"There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted."
— Judith Martin

"It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal."
— Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World)

"Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend."
— Amy Sedaris (I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence)

"'Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating."
— Greg Behrendt (He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys)

"'Who're you going with, then?' said Ron.
'Angelina,' said Fred promptly, without a trace of embarrassment.
'What?' said Ron, taken aback. 'You've already asked her?'
'Good point,' said Fred. He turned his head and called across the common room, 'Oi! Angelina!'
Angelina, who had been chatting with Alicia Spinnet near the fire, looked over at him.
'What? She called back.
'Want to come to the ball with me?'
Angelina gave Fred a sort of appraising look.
'All right, then,' she said, and she turned back to Alicia and carried on chatting with a bit of a grin on her face.
'There you go,' said Fred to Harry and Ron, 'piece of cake.'"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

"Hey, if you'd wanted to avoid 'this', you shouldn't have lured me last night. Now it's too late. You might as well avoid the long, dawn-out pain and get it over with quickly. Sort of like taking off a Band-Aid. Or cutting off a limb." (Roman)

"Wow, Who says there's no romance left in the world?" (Georgina)"
— Richelle Mead (Succubus Blues)

""...he had a way of taking your hand which made it clear he'd have to be the one to let go."

From Alice Hoffman's "Local Girls", pg.102."
— Alice Hoffman (Local Girls)

"Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.) "
— Greg Behrendt

"Girls don't want a jerk, but they don't want a pansy. They want something in the middle...a jerpansy."
— Justine Lookadoo

""Junction nineteen! Una, she came off at Junction nineteen! You've added an hour to your journey before you even started. Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?"

Oh GOD. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to THEM and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still having sex?" Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-it-all it was when you were twenty-two and that the honest answer is more likely to be, "Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little Angora crop-top, told me he was gay/a sex addict/a narcotic addict/a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo," than, "Super, thanks.""
— Helen Fielding (Bridget Jones's Diary)

"The best men tell you the truth because they think you can take it; the worst men either try to preserve you in some innocent state with their false protection, or are ‘brutally honest.’ When someone tells, lets you think for yourself, experience your own emotions, he is treating you as a true equal, a friend…And the best men cook for you."
— Whitney Otto (How to Make an American Quilt)

"Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool or witty or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away."
— Willow Rosenberg

" Where is the stupid bus? And why did my dad have to be so big on mass transit, anyhow? Why couldn't I I own a car, like practically every other senior? But no, i had to 'share the ride' to save the environment. When I'm abducted by the menacing guy under the tree, Dad will probably insist my face only appear on recycled milk cartons...."
— Beth Fantaskey

"Dating is like trying to make a meal out of leftovers. Some leftovers actually get better when they've had a little time to mature. But others should be thrown out right away, No matter how you try to warm them up, they're never as good as when they were new."
— Lisa Kleypas (Sugar Daddy)

"And he likes to torment me, and laughs when I get upset when he does. No, of course not. I do not love Jack Elliot. He is low and coarse and a soldier, and not the kind of man I want to spend my life with."
— Nancy E. Turner (These Is My Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine, 1881-1901 : A Novel)

"I don't know...cause I can't stand the idea of a world where a guy like you can't get a date."
— Enid, in "Ghost World"

""So, you've been seeing a guy, but you don't know what he looks like. Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?" "
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Amazing how being bathed in arterial blood can wash out any lingering romantic disappointments."
— Diana Peterfreund (Rampant)

"A while back, when Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like, Barry proposed the idea of a questionnaire for prospective partners."
— Nick Hornby