"The music coming from inside sounded like robots fucking. And complaining about it. In rhythmic monotone. European robots."
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

""So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
"
— Christopher Reeve

"Barzul!"
— Christopher Paolini

"I can feel it. The turning of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour and the entire planet is hurting around the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles an hour, and I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go...that's who I am."
— Christopher Eccleston-Doctor who

"She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass."
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

"I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!"
— Christopher Walken

""You want me and I want you. right?"
Who did she think she was? You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's Syndrome. He said, "Well, I guess. Yeah, that's right."
"
— Christopher Moore (Coyote Blue)

""We really have to get going," Sam said. "Can we leave the car here and pick it up later?"
The monk said, "Does a dog have a Buddha nature?"
"Does a fish have a watertight asshole?" said Coyote."
— Christopher Moore (Coyote Blue)

"Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love?"
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

""What is your name?" asked Lear.
"Caius," said Kent.
"And whence do you hail?"
"From Bonking, sire."
"Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?""
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

""Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy"
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

""Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?""
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

"Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!""
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

"Like last year I took Advance Foods class (which is like cooking for nerds) after lunch, and so I usually took a nap. Which was fine, because I'm not even thrilled about regular foods, so, you know, what do I need with like advanced digital HD wi-fi foods and whatnot? -Abby"
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

""Alive," Kimi interrupted. "I get you out of typhoon alive and you just yell and say bad things. I quit. You get new navigator. Roberto say you mean, nasty, Chevy-driving, milk-drinking, American dog f*cker."
"I don't drink milk," Tuck said. Ha! Won that round."
— Christopher Moore (Island of the Sequined Love Nun)

"Happiness only real when shared."
— Christopher McCandless

"A hundred brilliant witticisms died suffocating on the captain's heavy glove. Thus muted, I pumped my codpiece at the duke and tried to force a fart, but my bum tumpet could find no note."
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

"Next out of the hall came the sisters and their husbands. Before I could say anything, the captain had clamped his hand over my mouth and was lifting me off my feet as I kicked. Cornwall made as to draw his dagger, but Regan pulled him away. "You've just won a kingdom, my duke, killing vermin is a servant's task. Leave the bitter fool stew in his own bile."
She wanted me. It was clear."
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

"Soon a whole guild of low-priced shrine keepers around Europe named their own pope - Boldface the Relatively Shameless, Discount Pope of Prague. The price war was on [...] The Retail Pope would offer cheesy bacon toppings on the Host with communion and the Discount Pope would counter with topless nun night for midnight mass."
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

""Yo, yo, yo, check it out," said PJ, with enough hand gestures that any deaf person watching would have thought he had ASL Tourette's syndrome"
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

"And he was like "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -" -Abby"
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

"'I own a book,' he thought, delighted (Paolini 291)."
— Christopher Paolini (Brisingr)

"[Author's Notes] As I write this, September 2002, much about the humpback song is still unknown. (Although scientists do know that it tends to be found in the New Age music section, as well as in tropical waters...)"
— Christopher Moore

"[Acknowledgments] I recommend them all for further reading, but when you're finished, you may have to read several of my books and watch a lot of TV just to get stupid enough to function in the modern world again."
— Christopher Moore (Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings)

"Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of "Tangled Up in Blue" in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan."
— Christopher Moore (The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror, Version 2.0)

"Even a mentally challenged shark would figure out that sea turtles did not wear boxer shorts printed in flying piggies, and no sea turtle would be yattering streams of obscenities between chain-smoker gasps of breath."
— Christopher Moore (Island of the Sequined Love Nun)

"Blessed tree and blessed birds, that were to be neither saved nor damned."
— Anthony Burgess (A Dead Man in Deptford)

""[...] Y'know, the Duchess Regan is living here at the tower now? I took your advice about not talking about her boffnacity [footnote], even with the duke dead and all, can't be too careful. Although, I caught sight of her in a dressing gown one day she was up on the parapet outside her solar. Fine flanks on that princess, despite the danger of death and all for sayin' so, sir." -Yeomen
"Aye, the lady is fair, and her gadonk as fine as frog fur [...]" -Pocket

footnote: Boffnacity: an expression of shagnatiousness, fit. from the Latin boffusnatious"
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

""Not yet!" said she [Goneril], trying to roll me over and get back to smacking my bum.
She honked my codpiece.
"You honked my codpiece."
"Aye, give it up, fool." [...]"
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

""I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald]
"He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad sports a woody as stout as a mooring pin. Ask your lady."
I nodded in agreement with the puppet, for his most wise for having a brain of sawdust.
"Impudent! Impudent! Not impotent!" said Oswald, frothing a bit now."
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)

""Advice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like to spend your watch looking for the box where your head is kept, resist the urge to wax ignorant on her naughty bits." -Pocket
"I don't know what that means, sir." -Yeoman
"Speak not of Regan's shaggacity, son" [...] -Pocket"
— Christopher Moore

""My skin cleared up! I don't have a single zit." -Tommy
"Ding, ding, ding," Jody onomatopeed, signaling that Tommy had hit on the correct answer."
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

""So, have you seen Flood?" she asked. "Cop?" She added "cop" with a high pop on the p, like it was a punctuation mark, not a profession"
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

"I was all, "Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now, wigga!" (I am not incline to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment.) -Abby"
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

"Jody noticed that the kid was focused on the breasts, which were defying gravity, and apparently death itself, by standing there at complete attention"
— Christopher Moore (You Suck: A Love Story)

""When today fails to offer the justification for hope, tomorrow becomes the only grail worth pursuing.""
— Christopher Bigsby

"Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we!"
— My Third Grade Day Care Bus Driver

"She glanced over her shoulder to look at the forty-foot cabin cruiser where Captain Tarwater posed on the bow looking like an advertisement for a particularly rigid laundry detergent - Bumstick Go-Be-Bright, perhaps"
— Christopher Moore (Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings)

""Love is like a reptile, you cut off its tail and it grows another one." Kiss Me Judas

"
— Will Christopher Baer

""So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
"
— Christopher Reeve

""Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a," she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants."
— Christopher Moore (Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings)

"The next day the weather was blown out, with whitecaps frosting the entire channel across to Lanai and the coconut palms whipping overhead like epileptic dust mops."
— Christopher Moore (Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings)

"[Conservation] Barring that, just yell at people randomly to stop killing whales. It could catch on. Really.
("Would you like fries with that?"
"Shut up and stop killing whales!"
"Thank you. Drive through, please.")"
— Christopher Moore

"The man of my dreams is almost faded now. The one I have created in my mind. The sort of man each woman dreams of in her most secret and deepest part of her heart. I could almost see him now before me. What would I say to him if he were really here? Forgive me, I've never known this feeling. I've lived without it all my life. Is it any wonder that I fail to recognize it? You brought it to me for the first time. Is there any way I can tell you how my life has changed? Anyway at all, to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There's so much to say-- and I can't find the words-- except for these... I love you. That is what I would say to him if he were really here. "
— Richard Matheson

"The man of my dreams is almost faded now. The one I have created in my mind. The sort of man each woman dreams of in her most secret and deepest part of her heart. I could almost see him now before me. What would I say to him if he were really here? Forgive me, I've never known this feeling. I've lived without it all my life. Is it any wonder that I fail to recognize it? You brought it to me for the first time. Is there any way I can tell you how my life has changed? Anyway at all, to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There's so much to say-- and I can't find the words-- except for these... I love you. That is what I would say to him if he were really here. "
— Elise McKenna Somewhere In Time by Richard Matheson

"It is June 27, 1912. You are lying in your bed in the Grand Hotel and it is 6 p.m. on the evening of June 27, 1912. Your mind accepts this absolutely. 6 p.m. on June 27, 1912. Elise McKenna is in this hotel at this very moment. Her manager, William Fawcett Robinson, is in this hotel at this very moment. Now, this moment, here. Both in the Grand Hotel on this evening of June 27, 1912. 6 p.m. on June 27, 1912. Elise McKenna, now, in this hotel. She and her company are in this hotel at this very moment. Now on June 27, 1912, 6 p.m. Your mind accepts this, absolutely. You have traveled back in time, soon you will open your eyes. You will walk into the corridor, and you will go downstairs and you will find Elise McKenna, who is in this hotel at this very moment. "
— Richard Collier in Somewhere In Time by Richard Matheson