"If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing."
— Kingsley Amis (Lucky Jim)

"And then, in boating supplies, Margo located an air horn. She took it out of the box and held it up in the air, and I said, "No," and she said, "No what?" And I said, "No don't blow the air horn," except when I got to the b in blow, she squeezed on it and it let out an excruciatingly loud honk that felt in my head like the auditory equivalent of an aneurysm, and then she said, "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. What was that?" And I said, "Stop b-" and then she did it again."
— John Green (Paper Towns)

"I like long walks, especialy when they are taken by people who annoy me."
— Noel Coward

"I don't even want you to nod, that's how much you annoy me. Just freeze and shut up."
— Neal Stephenson (Snow Crash)