Tyler > Tyler's Quotes

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  • #1
    “Beware the Wrath of a Patient Adversary.”
    John C. Calhoun

  • #2
    M.T. Anderson
    “We went to the moon to have fun, but the moon turned out to completely suck.”
    M.T. Anderson, Feed

  • #3
    Steve Martin
    “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    Steve Martin

  • #4
    Douglas Adams
    “The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
    Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

  • #5
    Thomas Szasz
    “Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
    Thomas Szasz

  • #6
    Orson Welles
    “Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.”
    Orson Welles

  • #7
    Matt Groening
    “Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”
    Matt Groening, The Big Book of Hell

  • #8
    Orson Welles
    “You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.”
    Orson Welles

  • #9
    Albert Einstein
    “Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #10
    Jon Stewart
    “I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
    Jon Stewart

  • #11
    Laurie Halse Anderson
    “It's easier to floss with barbed wire than admit you like someone in middle school.”
    Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

  • #12
    Charles M. Schulz
    “This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.”
    Charles M. Schulz

  • #13
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    Terry Pratchett, Diggers

  • #14
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
    Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 5: 1959-1960

  • #15
    Robert A. Heinlein
    “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    Robert A. Heinlein

  • #16
    Charles J. Sykes
    “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”
    Charles J. Sykes, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write or Add

  • #17
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    Paul Terry

  • #18
    Oscar Levant
    “There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
    Oscar Levant

  • #19
    W.C. Fields
    “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
    W.C. Fields

  • #20
    Bill Watterson
    “Reality continues to ruin my life.”
    Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

  • #21
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #22
    Douglas Adams
    “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    Douglas Adams

  • #23
    Charles Lamb
    “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
    Charles Lamb

  • #24
    Garrison Keillor
    “Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
    Garrison Keillor

  • #25
    Lily Tomlin
    “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”
    Lily Tomlin

  • #26
    Tom Robbins
    “Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.”
    Tom Robbins

  • #27
    Christopher Moore
    “People, generally, suck.”
    Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

  • #28
    Charles M. Schulz
    “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
    Charles M. Schulz

  • #29
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    Billy Sunday, Billy Sunday, the Man and His Message: With His Own Words Which Have Won Thousands for Christ

  • #30
    Tom Robbins
    “Who knows how to make love stay?

    1. Tell love you are going to Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if loves stays, it can have half. It will stay.

    2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a moustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

    3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.”
    Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker



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