"His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few."
— Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)

"Woo woo, secret vampire stuff!"
— Charlaine Harris

"People love a happy ending. So every episode, I will explain once again that I don't like people. And then Mal will shoot someone. Someone we like. And their puppy."
— Joss Whedon

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh?' he whispered.
'Yes, Piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'"
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

"Whether I like it or not, most of my images of what various historical periods feel, smell, or sound like were acquired well before I set foot in any history class. They came from Margaret Mitchell, from Anya Seton, from M.M. Kaye, and a host of other authors, in their crackly plastic library bindings. Whether historians acknowledge it or not, scholarly history’s illegitimate cousin, the historical novel, plays a profound role in shaping widely held conceptions of historical realities. "
— Lauren Willig

"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this."
— Terry Pratchett

"A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read."
— Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)

"If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you."
— Terry Pratchett

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
— Terry Pratchett (Reaper Man)

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one."
— Terry Pratchett

"Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."
— Terry Pratchett (A Hat Full of Sky)

"He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower."
— Terry Pratchett (Mort)

"The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned by no later than the date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality."
— Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)

"There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist."
— Terry Pratchett

"Insanity is catching."
— Terry Pratchett (Making Money)

"It's still magic even if you know how it's done."
— Terry Pratchett (A Hat Full of Sky)

"I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time."
— Neil Gaiman

"Anyone who believes what a cat tells him deserves all he gets."
— Neil Gaiman (Stardust)

"I know that David Tennant's Hamlet isn't till July. And lots of people are going to be doing Dr Who in Hamlet jokes, so this is just me getting it out of the way early, to avoid the rush...
"To be, or not to be, that is the question. Weeelll.... More of A question really. Not THE question. Because, well, I mean, there are billions and billions of questions out there, and well, when I say billions, I mean, when you add in the answers, not just the questions, weeelll, you're looking at numbers that are positively astronomical and... for that matter the other question is what you lot are doing on this planet in the first place, and er, did anyone try just pushing this little red button?"
— Neil Gaiman

"'All right,' said Susan. 'I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable.
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE
'Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little-
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES
'So we can believe the big ones?
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING
'They're not the same at all!
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET--
Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME... SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED
'Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point---
MY POINT EXACTLY"
— Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

"Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness."
— Terry Pratchett (Men at Arms)

"I DON'T HOLD WITH CRUELTY TO CATS."
— Terry Pratchett (The Last Hero: A Discworld Fable)

"Beware of Doors."
— Neil Gaiman (Neverwhere: A Novel)

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
— Douglas Adams

"The problem with designing something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of a complete fool. "
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 1)

"Don't Panic"
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 1)

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 1)

"This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 1)

"I don't want to die! I've still got a headache! I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it!"
— Douglas Adams

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
— Douglas Adams

"Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet."
— Douglas Adams

"I'll take crazy over stupid any day."
— Joss Whedon

"Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — 'Cuppa tea, cuppa tea... almost got shagged... cuppa tea'?
"
— Joss Whedon (The Gift: Cinemanga)

"You're kidding ... what a crazy random happenstance!"
— Joss Whedon

"The world is a mess and I just need to rule it."
— Joss Whedon

"Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE."
— Joss Whedon

"I cannot abide useless people."
— Joss Whedon

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams

"Reality is frequently inaccurate."
— Douglas Adams

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Who says life is fair, where is that written?"
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"As you wish."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"We are men of action. Lies do not become us."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Dread Pirate Roberts: Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)