Jeff's favorite quotes

"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which."
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor

82 people liked it

"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

tags: life

740 people liked it

"She was a dull person, but a sensational invitation to make babies."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse-Five)

21 people liked it

"Smoking is the only honorable form of suicide."
— Kurt Vonnegut

19 people liked it

"If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes."
— Chuck Palahniuk

tags: humor, love

170 people liked it

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

tags: deadlines, humor, work

5,232 people liked it

"What I need... is a strong drink and a peer group."
— Douglas Adams (Life, the Universe and Everything)

50 people liked it

"You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write 'Fuck you' right under your nose."
— J.D. Salinger

31 people liked it

"I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky."
— Bill Watterson (The Complete Calvin and Hobbes)

tags: friends

228 people liked it

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
— Woody Allen

tags: humor, life, sex

1,033 people liked it

"To me, making a tape is like writing a letter – there's a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again, and I wanted it to be a good one."
— Nick Hornby

tags: music

8 people liked it

"First comes smiles, then lies. Last is gunfire.-Roland Deschain, of Gilead"
— Stephen King (The Gunslinger)

19 people liked it

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones)

tags: love

2,579 people liked it

""Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....""
— Christopher Moore (Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal)

77 people liked it

""My faith is whatever makes me feel good about being alive. If your religion doesn't make you feel good to be alive, what the hell is the point of it?" "
— Tom Robbins (Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates)

7 people liked it

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’."
— Jack Handey

124 people liked it

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women

3,704 people liked it

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

tags: humor

1,738 people liked it

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humour, telekinetics

959 people liked it

"The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humor, politics

381 people liked it

"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center."
— Kurt Vonnegut

376 people liked it

"And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"
— Kurt Vonnegut (A Man Without a Country)

194 people liked it

"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything."
— Kurt Vonnegut

157 people liked it

"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humor

166 people liked it

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward."
— Kurt Vonnegut

130 people liked it

"The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Breakfast of Champions)

105 people liked it

"How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
— Kurt Vonnegut

88 people liked it

"We could have saved [the Earth] but we were too damned cheap."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: pessimistic

59 people liked it

"Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Cat's Cradle)

56 people liked it

"Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go around looking for it, and I think it can be poisonous. I wish people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, 'Please-a little less love, and a little more common decency."
— Kurt Vonnegut

55 people liked it

"Make love when you can. It's good for you."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Mother Night)

53 people liked it

"A sane person to an insane society must appear insane."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Welcome to the Monkey House)

38 people liked it

"No good at life, but very funny sometimes with the commentary."
— Kurt Vonnegut

33 people liked it

"If you can do no good, at least do no harm."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Slapstick)

tags: mantra

32 people liked it

"I can have oodles of charm when I want to."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Breakfast of Champions)

18 people liked it

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: bokonon

19 people liked it

"Science is magic that works."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Cat's Cradle)

12 people liked it

"I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse-Five)

11 people liked it

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer"
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, wit

1,399 people liked it

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

tags: british, commentary, fiction, humor, science, social, thumb, towel

408 people liked it

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

tags: life, pain

621 people liked it

"A learning experience is one of those things that says, "You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.""
— Douglas Adams (The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time)

tags: life

435 people liked it

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now."
— Douglas Adams (The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

tags: adams, beeblebrox, douglas, guide, hitchhiker-s, quote, zaphod

130 people liked it

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

tags: humor, scifi

3,222 people liked it

"The Guide says that there is an art to flying,” said Ford, “or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams

tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor

1,182 people liked it

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
— Douglas Adams

tags: learning

968 people liked it

"This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

186 people liked it

"If I ever meet myself, I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me."
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, zaphod

151 people liked it

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

tags: humor, systems

323 people liked it

"You live and learn. At any rate, you live."
— Douglas Adams

tags: learning

317 people liked it

Jeff's quotes

tags from Jeff's quotes