Justin (ジャスティン)'s quotes

(showing 1-50 of 454)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
12,586 people liked it

"A room without books is like a body without a soul."
— Marcus Tullius Cicero

tags: books, soul
11,605 people liked it

"He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions."
— Confucius

tags: wisdom
193 people liked it

"There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.....the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope."
— Alexandre Dumas (The Count of Monte Cristo)

tags: hope, inspirational, wisdom
846 people liked it

"I've found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more
chances, Be more active, Show up more often."
— Brian Tracy

tags: life, wisdom
24 people liked it

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
6,867 people liked it

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor, insanity, life
9,995 people liked it

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

tags: deadlines, humor, work
5,524 people liked it

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, procrastination
5,814 people liked it

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
— Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)

tags: books, classic, humor
5,741 people liked it

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious
5,679 people liked it

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

tags: exercise, humor, laziness
6,075 people liked it

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life
2,867 people liked it

"The Guide says that there is an art to flying,” said Ford, “or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams

tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor
1,222 people liked it

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

tags: humor
1,854 people liked it

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
— Oscar Levant

tags: genius, humor, insanity
1,766 people liked it

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor

tags: humor, religion
4,158 people liked it

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
— Thomas Stephen Szasz

tags: humor, inspirational
1,721 people liked it

"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
— Jerome K. Jerome

tags: humor, work
1,202 people liked it

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
— Rita Mae Brown

tags: humor, insanity
2,618 people liked it

"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"
— Friedrich Nietzsche

tags: humor, philosophy
896 people liked it

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics
1,573 people liked it

"Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources"
— Albert Einstein

tags: creativity, humor
2,069 people liked it

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it."
— Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading
784 people liked it

"It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life."
— Terry Pratchett (The Last Continent)

tags: death, humor, life
898 people liked it

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
— Bill Watterson (The Complete Calvin and Hobbes)

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
2,770 people liked it

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
— Charles Lamb

tags: humor, work
701 people liked it

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."
— Garrison Keillor

tags: absurd, cats, humor
553 people liked it

"The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
— Lily Tomlin

tags: humor, life, race, rat
495 people liked it

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer"
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, wit
1,488 people liked it

"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."
— Woody Allen

tags: absurd, humor, music
264 people liked it

"When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle."
— Dr. Seuss (Fox in Socks)

tags: childrens, humor
437 people liked it

"My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best."
— Winston S. Churchill

tags: humor, taste
765 people liked it

"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, perspective, science
1,056 people liked it

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
— W.C. Fields

tags: humor, success
968 people liked it

"I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!"
— Mark Twain

tags: decisions, humor, mind
247 people liked it

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
— Steven Wright

tags: amnesia, humor, memory
776 people liked it

"Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you."
— Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

tags: humor, science
441 people liked it

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know. "
— Groucho Marx

tags: art, humor
282 people liked it

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
— Steven Wright

tags: humor
128 people liked it

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
— Steven Wright

tags: books, humor
190 people liked it

"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."
— Orson Welles

tags: humor, sinister
202 people liked it

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields

tags: food, humor, wine
185 people liked it

"People, generally, suck."
— Christopher Moore

tags: humor
667 people liked it

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
— George Burns

tags: humor, politics
193 people liked it

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion
or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle
or it will starve to death.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle:
When the sun comes up, you'd better be running!"
— Joachim de Posada (Don't Eat The Marshmallow...Yet!: The Secret to Sweet Success in Work and Life)

9 people liked it

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

tags: humor, proverb
2,081 people liked it

"If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough."
— Mario Andretti

17 people liked it

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
— Terry Pratchett

tags: mind
345 people liked it

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
— Herm Albright

93 people liked it

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