Hehena Bo Bena > Hehena's Quotes

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  • #1
    “Just for future reference, don't use words like "love" anymore. It's a very sensitive word and it wears out quickly. Romeo barely says it, but John Hinckley filled up a whole journal with it. To put it into your terms, it's a currency that's easily devalued. Pretty soon you're saying it whenever you hang up the phone or whenever you leave. It turns into an apology. Then it's an excuse. Some assholes want it to be a bulletproof vest: don't hate me; I love you. But mostly it just means--more. More, more--give me something more. A couple of years from now, when you're on your own completely, if you really fall in love, if it really comes to that--and I pity you if it does--you have to look right down into the black of her eyes, right down into the emptiness in there and feel everything, absolutely everything she needs and you have to be willing to drown in it, Kevin. You'd have to want to be crushed, buried alive. Because that's what real love feels like--choking. They used to bury some women in their wedding dresses, you know. I thought it was because all those husbands were too cheap to spring for another gown, but now it makes sense: love is your first foot in the grave. That's why the second most abused word is "forever".”
    Peter Craig, Hot Plastic


  • #2
    Ntozake Shange
    “without any assistance or guidance from you
    i have loved you assiduously for 8 months 2 wks & a day
    i have been stood up four times
    i've left 7 packages on yr doorstep
    forty poems 2 plants & 3 handmade notecards i left
    town so i cd send to you have been no help to me
    on my job
    you call at 3:00 in the mornin on weekdays
    so i cd drive 27 1/2 miles cross the bay before i go to work
    charmin charmin
    but you are of no assistance
    i want you to know
    this waz an experiment
    to see how selifsh i cd be
    if i wd really carry on to snare a possible lover
    if i waz capable of debasin my self for the love of another
    if i cd stand not being wanted
    when i wanted to be wanted
    & i cannot
    so
    with no further assistance & no guidance from you
    i am endin this affair

    this note is attached to a plant
    i've been waterin since the day i met you
    you may water it
    yr damn self”
    Ntozake Shange, for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf


  • #3
    Andrew Solomon
    “Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don't believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it's good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.”
    Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression


  • #4
    Ellen Hopkins
    “So you try to think of someone else you're mad at, and the unavoidable answer pops into your little warped brain: everyone.”
    Ellen Hopkins


  • #5
    Kay Redfield Jamison
    “If I can't feel, if I can't move, if I can't think, and I can't care, then what conceivable point is there in living?”
    Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness


  • #6
    Elizabeth Wurtzel
    “Some catastrophic moments invite clarity, explode in split moments: You smash your hand through a windowpane and then there is blood and shattered glass stained with red all over the place; you fall out a window and break some bones and scrape some skin. Stitches and casts and bandages and antiseptic solve and salve the wounds. But depression is not a sudden disaster. It is more like a cancer: At first its tumorous mass is not even noticeable to the careful eye, and then one day -- wham! -- there is a huge, deadly seven-pound lump lodged in your brain or your stomach or your shoulder blade, and this thing that your own body has produced is actually trying to kill you. Depression is a lot like that: Slowly, over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making life feel more and more unbearable. But you won't even notice it coming on, thinking that it is somehow normal, something about getting older, about turning eight or turning twelve or turning fifteen, and then one day you realize that your entire life is just awful, not worth living, a horror and a black blot on the white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up afraid you are going to live.

    In my case, I was not frightened in the least bit at the thought that I might live because I was certain, quite certain, that I was already dead. The actual dying part, the withering away of my physical body, was a mere formality. My spirit, my emotional being, whatever you want to call all that inner turmoil that has nothing to do with physical existence, were long gone, dead and gone, and only a mass of the most fucking god-awful excruciating pain like a pair of boiling hot tongs clamped tight around my spine and pressing on all my nerves was left in its wake.

    That's the thing I want to make clear about depression: It's got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal -- unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an attempt on nature's part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead.

    And the scariest part is that if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know. There is a classic moment in The Sun Also Rises when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt, and all he can say in response is, 'Gradually and then suddenly.' When someone asks how I love my mind, that is all I can say too”
    Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation


  • #7
    Ned Vizzini
    “People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #8
    Ned Vizzini
    “I'm done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #9
    Ned Vizzini
    “Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #10
    Ned Vizzini
    “Things to do today:
    1) Breathe in.
    2) Breathe out.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #11
    Ned Vizzini
    “See, when you mess something up, you learn for the next time. It's when people compliment you that you're in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #12
    Ned Vizzini
    “I just want to not be me.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #13
    Ned Vizzini
    “That's all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #14
    Ned Vizzini
    “The absolute worst part of being depressed is the food. A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships. I don't think your relationship with your parents is that important. Some people never know their parents. I don't think your relationship with your friends are important. But your relationship with air-that's key. You can't break up with air. You're kind of stuck together. Only slightly less crucial is water. And then food. You can't be dropping food to hang with someone else. You need to strike up an agreement with it.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #15
    Ned Vizzini
    “I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #17
    Ned Vizzini
    “I’m not better, you know. The weight hasn’t left my head. I feel how easily I could fall back into it, lie down and not eat, waste my time and curse wasting my time, look at my homework and freak out and go and chill at Aaron’s, look at Nia and be jealous again, take the subway home and hope that it has an accident, go and get my bike and head to the Brooklyn Bridge. All of that is still there. The only thing is, it’s not an option now. It’s just… a possibility, like it’s a possibility that I could turn to dust in the next instant and be disseminated throughout the universe as an omniscient consciousness. It’s not a very likely possibility.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #18
    Ned Vizzini
    “Life is a nightmare.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #19
    Ned Vizzini
    “No," mom says, looking at me in the eyes. "What's a triumph is that you woke up this morning and decided to LIVE. THAT'S a triumph. that's what you did today.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #20
    Ned Vizzini
    “Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #21
    Ned Vizzini
    “And that was the closest I've ever come to an epiphany.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #22
    Ned Vizzini
    “I have a system with bathrooms. I spend a lot of time in them. They are sanctuaries, public places of peace spaced throughout the world for people like me.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #23
    Ned Vizzini
    “I'm smart but not enough--just smart enough to have problems.”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #24
    Ned Vizzini
    “I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?”
    Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story


  • #25
    Elizabeth Wurtzel
    “In my case, I was not frightened in the least bit at the thought that I might live because I was certain, quite certain, that I was already dead. ”
    Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation


  • #26
    Stephanie Perkins
    “Because that’s the thing about depression. When I feel it deeply, I don’t want to let it go. It becomes a comfort. I want to cloak myself under its heavy weight and breathe it into my lungs. I want to nurture it, grow it, cultivate it. It’s mine. I want to check out with it, drift asleep wrapped in its arms and not wake up for a long, long time.”
    Stephanie Perkins, Lola and the Boy Next Door


  • #27
    Elizabeth Wurtzel
    “...occasionally I wished I could walk through a picture window and have the sharp, broken shards slash me to ribbons so I would finally look like I felt.”
    Elizabeth Wurtzel


  • #28
    Andrew Solomon
    “It is important not to suppress your feelings altogether when you are depressed. It is equally important to avoid terrible arguments or expressions of outrage. You should steer clear of emotionally damaging behavior. People forgive, but it is best not to stir things up to the point at which forgiveness is required. When you are depressed, you need the love of other people, and yet depression fosters actions that destroy that love. Depressed people often stick pins into their own life rafts. The conscious mind can intervene. One is not helpless.”
    Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression


  • #29
    Elizabeth Wurtzel
    “In a strange way, I had fallen in love with my depression. Dr. Sterling was right about that. I loved it because I thought it was all I had. I thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony.”
    Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation


  • #30
    Elizabeth Wurtzel
    “I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong.”
    Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation


  • #31
    Andrew Solomon
    “Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, "Never real and always true," and that is how depression feels. You know that it is not real, that you are someone else, and yet you know that it is absolutely true.”
    Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression




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