Lex > Lex's Quotes

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  • #1
    Grant Naylor
    “Why d'you say "Mayday"? It's just a bank holiday. Why not "Shrove Tuesday" or "Ascension Sunday"? He turned back to the communicator. 'Ascension Sunday... Ascension Sunday.' He thought for a while and then tried: 'The fourteenth Wednesday after Pentecost... The fourteenth Wednesday after Pentecost...”
    Grant Naylor, Better than Life

  • #2
    Grant Naylor
    “Twelve!!! Twelve years old!!? When you lost your virginity, you were twelve???'
    'Twelve??' Rimmer stared into the fire. 'Well, you can't have been a full member of the golf club, then.”
    Grant Naylor, Better than Life

  • #3
    Grant Naylor
    “Lister patted the towel rail against his left palm. 'I'm going out like I came in - screaming and kicking.'
    'You can't whack Death on the head.'
    'If he comes near me, I'll rip his tits off.”
    Grant Naylor, Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

  • #4
    Grant Naylor
    “Just a pot noodle. Oh - and I found a tin of dog food on the tool shelf.'
    Misery hissed through Lister's gritted teeth. 'Well,' he said finally. 'Pretty obvious what gets eaten last. I can't stand pot noodles.”
    Grant Naylor, Better than Life

  • #5
    Grant Naylor
    “Your explanation for anything slightly odd is aliens,' said Lister. 'You lose your keys, it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall, it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens.”
    Grant Naylor, Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

  • #6
    John M. Cusick
    “David had heard this before, and knew you were supposed to say no. But was that really true? If everyone jumped off a bridge, maybe there was a good reason. Maybe the bridge was on fire. If anything, the guy who didn't jump was the crazy one.”
    John M. Cusick, Girl Parts

  • #7
    Stephen Chbosky
    “And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.”
    Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

  • #8
    Stephen Chbosky
    “He’s my whole world.”
    “Don’t ever say that about anyone again. Not even me.”
    Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

  • #9
    Stephen Chbosky
    “I sat down and tried to write a story.

    "Ian MacArthur is a wonderful sweet fellow who wears glasses and peers out of them with delight."

    That was the first sentence. The problem was that I just couldn't think of the next one. After cleaning my room three times, I decided to leave Ian alone for a while because I was starting to get mad at him.”
    Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

  • #10
    Agatha Christie
    “No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?
    Agatha Christie, One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

  • #11
    Matthew Quick
    “They looked more like sisters than mother and daughter, and I wondered if believing in Jesus kept you younger-looking. But then I thought, if that were really true, Linda would be the biggest Jesus freak going, because she'd drown a baby in a bathtub if it would make her look ten years younger.”
    Matthew Quick, Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock

  • #12
    Ray Bradbury
    “Give a man a few lines of verse and he thinks he's the Lord of all Creation.”
    Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

  • #13
    Ray Bradbury
    “He stood and he only had one leg. The other was like a chunk of burnt pine-log he was carrying along as a penance for some obscure sin.”
    Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

  • #14
    Morgan Matson
    “It was like there was an elephant in the room. An elephant that expected us to have sex.”
    Morgan Matson, Amy and Roger's Epic Detour

  • #15
    Ray Bradbury
    “What traitors books can be! You think they're backing you up, and they turn on you. Others can use them, too, and there you are, lost in the middle of the moor, in a great welter of nouns and verbs and adjectives.”
    Ray Bradbury

  • #16
    Sue Townsend
    “Pauline: "All under-fives are mad Adrian, you used to talk to the moon. You invited it to your birthday party and cried when it didn't turn up."
    George: "When it went dark and the moon came up, you ran outside and threw a sausage roll at it!”
    Sue Townsend, Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years

  • #17
    Daniel Handler
    “...and then of course the music sprang up, lousy rock as bold and dull as a giant potato. “Love this song,” Todd said, like it was unusually brave to like what was number one on the radio...”
    Daniel Handler, Why We Broke Up

  • #18
    Jeanette Winterson
    “We did photograph albums, best dresses, favourite novels, and once someone's own novel. It was about a week in a telephone box with a pair of pyjamas called Adolf Hitler. The heroine was a piece of string with a knot in it.”
    Jeanette Winterson, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit

  • #19
    Graeme Simsion
    “But I’m not good at understanding what other people want.’
    ‘Tell me something I don’t know,’ said Rosie for no obvious reason.
    I quickly searched my mind for an interesting fact.
    ‘Ahhh…The testicles of drone bees and wasp spiders explode during sex.”
    Graeme Simsion, The Rosie Project

  • #20
    Jeanette Winterson
    “I love you."
    "You've loved other people but you still left them."
    "It's not that simple."
    "I don't want to be another scalp on your pole.”
    Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body

  • #21
    Jeanette Winterson
    “You're drunk."
    "That's right I am. I'm fifty-three and I'm as wild as a Welshman with a leek up his arse. Fifty-three. Old slag Gail. What right has she to poke her nose into your shining armour? That's what you're thinking isn't it honey?”
    Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body

  • #22
    “Losing the Internet has forced them to interact verbally instead of microblogging their lives, but a lot of them still talk in Tweets:
    "Ugh! I'm standing in line at the post office."
    "I'm not eating the crusts on my sandwich because apparently I'm five.”
    Wayne Gladstone, Notes from the Internet Apocalypse

  • #23
    “Has anything happened in Australia since the eighties? I mean, besides Nemo being reunited with his dad?”
    Wayne Gladstone, Notes from the Internet Apocalypse

  • #24
    “I don't even know who you are. I can't trust you. You're not real. Either of you. Fucking Internet people.”
    Wayne Gladstone, Notes from the Internet Apocalypse

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