Mike Peters > Mike's Quotes

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  • #1
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.”
    P.G. Wodehouse, Jeeves in the Morning

  • #2
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “There is, of course, this to be said for the Omnibus Book in general and this one in particular. When you buy it, you have got something. The bulk of this volume makes it almost the ideal paper-weight. The number of its pages assures its posessor of plenty of shaving paper on his vacation. Place upon the waistline and jerked up and down each morning, it will reduce embonpoint and strengthen the abdominal muscles. And those still at their public school will find that between, say, Caesar's Commentaries in limp cloth and this Jeeves book there is no comparison as a missile in an inter-study brawl.”
    P.G. Wodehouse, The World of Jeeves

  • #3
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “Well, the fact is," said Celia, in a burst of girlish frankness, "I
    rather think I've killed George."

    Killed him, eh?"

    It was a solution that had not occurred to me, but now that it was
    presented for my inspection I could see its merits. In these days of
    national effort, when we are all working together to try to make our
    beloved land fit for heroes to live in, it was astonishing that nobody
    before had thought of a simple, obvious thing like killing George
    Mackintosh. George Mackintosh was undoubtedly better dead, but it had
    taken a woman's intuition to see it.

    I killed him with my niblick," said Celia.

    I nodded. If the thing was to be done at all, it was unquestionably a
    niblick shot.”
    P.G. Wodehouse

  • #4
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “Talking of being eaten by dogs, there’s a dachshund at Brinkley who when you first meet him will give you the impression that he plans to convert you into a light snack between his regular meals. Pay no attention. It’s all eyewash. His belligerent attitude is simply—"

    Sound and fury signifying nothing, sir?"

    That’s it. Pure swank. A few civil words, and he will be grappling you . . . What’s the expression I’ve heard you use?"

    Grappling me to his soul with hoops of steel, sir?"

    In the first two minutes. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, but he has to put up a front because his name’s Poppet. One can readily appreciate that when a dog hears himself addressed day in and day out as Poppet, he feels he must throw his weight about. Is self-respect demands it."

    Precisely, sir."

    You’ll like Poppet. Nice dog. Wears his ears inside out. Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?"

    I could not say, sir."

    Nor me. I’ve often wondered.”
    P.G. Wodehouse

  • #5
    Simone Elkeles
    “Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well!”
    Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

  • #6
    John Rogers
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."

    [Kung Fu Monkey -- Ephemera, blog post, March 19, 2009]”
    John Rogers

  • #7
    J.K. Rowling
    “Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here!”
    J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

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