Paola's quotes

(showing 1-19 of 19)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
12,335 people liked it

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation
7,767 people liked it

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

tags: exercise, humor, laziness
5,983 people liked it

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Miss Piggy

tags: humor
5,841 people liked it

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious
5,552 people liked it

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women
3,902 people liked it

"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."
— Albert Einstein

2,586 people liked it

"Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company."
— Mark Twain

tags: christian, humor, philosophy, theology
2,006 people liked it

"If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary."
— David Sedaris (Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays)

tags: sympathy
1,760 people liked it

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
— Mae West

tags: humor, temptation
1,161 people liked it

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
— Woody Allen

tags: humor, life, sex
1,092 people liked it

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humour, telekinetics
1,003 people liked it

"Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it."
— Mark Twain

tags: politics
982 people liked it

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."
— George Carlin

tags: dance, dancing, music
994 people liked it

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

tags: funny, humour
985 people liked it

"I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: heaven, humor
905 people liked it

"Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid."
— John Wayne

782 people liked it

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is."
— Ellen DeGeneres

tags: age, exercise, family, grandmothers, grandparents, humor, walking
336 people liked it

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
— Ellen DeGeneres

tags: animal, animals, deer, humor, hunting, killing, protection, taxidermy
124 people liked it

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tags from Paola's quotes

age
animal protection
animals
cats
christian
dancing
deer
exercise
family
grandmothers
grandparents
human nature
humor
humour
hunting
infinity
killing
laziness
life
music
obvious
philosophy
science
self-deprecation
stupidity
taxidermy
temptation
universe
walking
women
Einstein
dance
funny
humor
humor heaven
intelligence
politics
sex
sympathy
telekinetics
theology