Malcolm's quotes

(showing 1-27 of 27)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
12,583 people liked it

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor, insanity, life
9,989 people liked it

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
— John Lennon

tags: beatles, fate, life, planning, plans
7,203 people liked it

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
6,864 people liked it

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)

tags: frost, glitter, gold, lost, poetry, roots, strength, strong, wander, wither
6,491 people liked it

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: enemies, forgiveness, strategy
6,586 people liked it

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious
5,678 people liked it

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading, television
2,969 people liked it

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, time
1,555 people liked it

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it."
— Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading
784 people liked it

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."
— Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail
797 people liked it

"Humor is reason gone mad."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, reason
691 people liked it

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, life
479 people liked it

"I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER"."
— Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me)

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership
449 people liked it

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
— Groucho Marx

tags: classic-insult
399 people liked it

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
— Groucho Marx

361 people liked it

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know. "
— Groucho Marx

tags: art, humor
282 people liked it

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."
— Groucho Marx

268 people liked it

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
— Groucho Marx

204 people liked it

"I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that."
— Groucho Marx

tags: absurd
145 people liked it

"Whatever it is, I'm against it."
— Groucho Marx

90 people liked it

"Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
— Groucho Marx

tags: absurd
74 people liked it

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, marriage
62 people liked it

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
— Groucho Marx

61 people liked it

"My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one."
— Groucho Marx

29 people liked it

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. "
— Groucho Marx

21 people liked it

"“Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?”"
— Groucho Marx

24 people liked it

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