Olga's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 63)

"The only thing you have to decide is what to do with time that is given to you."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Lord of the Rings - Return of the King)

tags: destiny, fate, life, movie
195 people liked it

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

tags: funny, humour
991 people liked it

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
— Phyllis Diller

tags: anger, funny, sleep
827 people liked it

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
— Albert Einstein

tags: funny
630 people liked it

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

tags: funny, humour
333 people liked it

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
— Winston S. Churchill

tags: churchill, funny, true, winston
493 people liked it

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
— Cathy Guisewite

tags: eyes, funny, lemons
533 people liked it

"The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty."
— Cervantes

tags: classic, funny, humor
38 people liked it

"I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs."
— Mark Rosen

tags: doorknobs, funny, future
13 people liked it

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
May or may not occur"
— Al Gore

tags: funny, stupid, wow
41 people liked it

"When life hands you lemons, you stuff them in your bra!"
— Maxine

tags: funny
36 people liked it

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
— Dave Barry

tags: funny, humour, jokes
42 people liked it

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."
— George Carlin

tags: funny, humanity, humor
83 people liked it

""Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.""
— Mark Twain

tags: funny
36 people liked it

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams (The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

tags: funny
27 people liked it

"All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER."
— Denis Leary

tags: beer, funny, men
18 people liked it

"If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase."
— George Carlin

tags: compassion, funny, humor, peace
18 people liked it

"I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. 'Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?
"
— Beverly Micken

tags: funny, men, sex
16 people liked it

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
— George Carlin

tags: funny, honesty, humor, truth
14 people liked it

"Ahhh!!!!! Excuse me for that unneeded exclamation. Life needs a couple of screams don't ya think?"
— Molly Balderach

tags: funny, humor
8 people liked it

"Its AMAZING that no one has locked you up yet."
— fruits basket

tags: basket, fma, fruba, fruits, funny, twllight
17 people liked it

"I'm telling you this because you don't get it. You think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?"
— Hatake Kakashi (anime\manga naruto)

tags: -, anime, funny, got, hatake, it, kakashi, manga, naruto
29 people liked it

"If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell."
— David Cook

tags: cook, david, funny, life
16 people liked it

"Laughing is when your smile has an orgasm!"
— Franchesca Garza

tags: funny, humorouse
11 people liked it

""just think about it...and when your mind says no think about it somemore""
— cassie mcculloch

tags: funny, xd
3 people liked it

"Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers. "
— Laurie Halse Anderson (Speak)

tags: accurate, funny
31 people liked it

"There's a saying that goes "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Okay, how about "nobody should throw stones?" That's crappy behavior! My policy is "No stone throwing regardless of housing situation." There is one exception though. If you're trapped in a glass house and you have a stone then throw it! So really, it's only people in glass houses should throw stones... provided they are trapped."
— Demetri Martin

tags: funny, humor
14 people liked it

""When life gives you lemons, make grape juice then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.""
— Facebook

tags: funny
6 people liked it

""The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.'”"
— George Carlin

tags: funny, humor
3 people liked it

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, time
1,542 people liked it

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

tags: humor
1,388 people liked it

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Miss Piggy

tags: humor
5,878 people liked it

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, procrastination
5,762 people liked it

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
3,052 people liked it

"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."
— Orson Welles

tags: humor, sinister
198 people liked it

"If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?"
— Prince Philip

tags: humor
30 people liked it

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor, insanity, life
9,843 people liked it

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, satan
1,210 people liked it

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
— Woody Allen

tags: humor, life, sex
1,103 people liked it

"Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world."
— Jasper Fforde (First Among Sequels)

tags: humor, poetry
166 people liked it

"When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout"
— Robert A. Heinlein

tags: a-, heinlein, humor, robert
167 people liked it

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
— Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

tags: humor, systems
337 people liked it

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. "
— Matt Groening

tags: humor, love, simpsons
167 people liked it

"Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt."
— Scott Adams

tags: food, humor, life
44 people liked it

"Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you."
— Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

tags: humor, science
439 people liked it

"'Whoever said the pen is mightier then the sword
obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'"
— Douglas MacArthur

tags: humor, military
97 people liked it

"It's not about hair loss. It's about face GAIN. I hear the term, 'receding hairline'. I say, 'Expanding Facial Fronteir'. One day I might have a whole head of FACE."
— Sheng Wang

tags: appearance, humor, life, optimism
86 people liked it

"Where subtlety fails us we must simply make do with cream pies."
— David Brin (The Uplift War)

tags: humor
9 people liked it

"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."
— James D. Nicoll

tags: english, humor, language
70 people liked it

"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, perspective, science
1,045 people liked it

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