"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know. "
— Groucho Marx

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
— Groucho Marx

"I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that."
— Groucho Marx

"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."
— Groucho Marx

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
— Groucho Marx

"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while"
— Groucho Marx

"I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks."
— Groucho Marx

"Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun. "
— Groucho Marx

"Sincerity - If you can fake that, you've got it made."
— Groucho Marx

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

"If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it."
— Terry Pratchett

"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this."
— Terry Pratchett

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
— Terry Pratchett

"In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."
— Terry Pratchett (A Hat Full of Sky)

"Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken."
— Terry Pratchett (Eric)

"She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you."
— Terry Pratchett (Equal Rites)

"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
— E.B. White

"Unbeing dead isn't being alive."
— e.e. cummings

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it by not dying."
— Woody Allen