"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

"Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough"
— Mae West

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Jim Henson

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
— Mark Twain

"You are very squishy. So I shall name you squishy. And you shall be my little squishy."
— Dory from Finding Nemo

"Tina Fey: "It has been said that to write is to live forever."

Steve Martin: "The man who said that is dead."

Fey: "Yet, we all know the importance of writing, because every great movie begins with a great screenplay."

Martin: "Or, a very good idea for the poster. But usually, with a screenplay."

Fey: "And every writer starts with a blank page."

Martin: "And every blank page was once a tree."

Fey: "And every tree was once a tiny seed."

Martin: "And every tiny seed on Earth was placed here by the alien king Rondelay, to foster our titrates and fuel our positive transfers!"
"
— Steve Martin