"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
— Mark Twain

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
— Mark Twain

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources"
— Albert Einstein

"Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company."
— Mark Twain

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

"I cannot live without books."
— Thomas Jefferson

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."
— George Carlin

"I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to."
— Jimi Hendrix

"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane."
— Philip K. Dick

"Death ends a life, not a relationship."
— Mitch Albom

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
— W.C. Fields

"I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there."
— Oscar Wilde

"THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.

TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.
2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.
3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.
4. The new text books will arrive any day now.
5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.
6. We are enforcing the dress code.
7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.
8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.
9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.
10. We want to hear what you have to say."
— Laurie Halse Anderson (Speak)

"Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another."
— Lemony Snicket

"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

"If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
— Abraham Lincoln

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."
— Groucho Marx

"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit."
— Oscar Wilde

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
— Cathy Guisewite

"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this."
— Terry Pratchett

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
— Albert Einstein

"Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you."
— Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."
— Lemony Snicket (The Penultimate Peril)

"Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
"
— Michael Scott