Tessa's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 100)

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: fate, humor
1,020 people liked it

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

tags: deadlines, humor, work
5,244 people liked it

"Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table."
— Lemony Snicket

55 people liked it

"It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: hats, humor
388 people liked it

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
— Albert Einstein

439 people liked it

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor, insanity, life
9,277 people liked it

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: cry, crying, experience, happiness, joy, life, optimism, sadness, smile, smiling
14,315 people liked it

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
— Mark Twain

tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
385 people liked it

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
— Abraham Lincoln

tags: wisdom
9,041 people liked it

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

tags: funny, humor, inconceivable, movies
1,686 people liked it

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: inspirational
2,852 people liked it

"Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

tags: books, reading
2,036 people liked it

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer"
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, wit
1,399 people liked it

"It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

344 people liked it

"Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear."
— Lemony Snicket (The Carnivorous Carnival)

tags: humor, miracles
327 people liked it

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
— C.S. Lewis

tags: friendship
7,193 people liked it

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)

tags: frost, glitter, gold, lost, poetry, roots, strength, strong, wander, wither
6,073 people liked it

"It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: ice-cream-sandwhiches, leaving-home
260 people liked it

"Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily."
— Lemony Snicket (The Beatrice Letters)

tags: hope, mail
177 people liked it

"Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable place to hide."
— Lemony Snicket (The Blank Book)

tags: hiding
105 people liked it

"One of the greatest myths in the world - & the phrase 'greatest myths' is just a fancy way of saying 'big fat lies' -- is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if you do them more & more. People say this myth when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle & skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, & that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent."
— Lemony Snicket (The Ersatz Elevator)

tags: humor, life, truths
138 people liked it

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
— G.K. Chesterton (Alarms and Discursions)

tags: cheese, poetry
656 people liked it

"Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck."
— Lemony Snicket

358 people liked it

"The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught."
— Lemony Snicket (The Blank Book)

tags: eavesdropping, gossip
134 people liked it

"One of the world's most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen's younger, more attractive boyfriends."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: boyfriends, cards, entertainment, queens
119 people liked it

"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
— Lemony Snicket (The Wide Window)

tags: allergies, cats, humor
479 people liked it

"Entertaining a notion, like entertaining a baby cousin or entertaining a pack of hyenas, is a dangerous thing to refuse to do. If you refuse to entertain a baby cousin, the baby cousin may get bored and entertain itself by wandering off and falling down a well. If you refuse to entertain a pack of hyenas, they may become restless and entertain themselves by devouring you. But if you refuse to entertain a notion - which is just a fancy way of saying that you refuse to think about a certain idea - you have to be much braver than someone who is merely facing some blood-thirsty animals, or some parents who are upset to find their little darling at the bottom of a well, because nobody knows what an idea will do when it goes off to entertain itself."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

100 people liked it

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

tags: humor, scifi
3,225 people liked it

"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
— Chuck Palahniuk

tags: god, life
1,517 people liked it

"There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor
87 people liked it

"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."
— Albert Einstein

2,417 people liked it

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
— Dr. Seuss (Happy Birthday to You!)

tags: comedy, life, yourself
1,624 people liked it

"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
— Benjamin Franklin

tags: humor
165 people liked it

"Get busy living or get busy dying."
— Stephen King (Shawshank Redemption)

tags: life
839 people liked it

"There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway."
— Lemony Snicket (The Austere Academy)

tags: truth, violin
64 people liked it

"People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

tags: life
877 people liked it

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: knowing
61 people liked it

"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Lord of the Rings)

340 people liked it

"If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor
62 people liked it

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Miss Piggy

tags: humor
5,569 people liked it

"Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it."
— Lemony Snicket (The End)

tags: catalog, humor
55 people liked it

"As I am sure you know, when people say "It's my pleasure", they usually mean something along the lines of, "There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less."[...]"
— Lemony Snicket (The Penultimate Peril)

tags: humor, politeness
77 people liked it

"A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give up villainy altogether and try to lead a life of decency, integrity, and kindness, which is much more challenging and noble, if not always quite as exciting."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

tags: nobility
51 people liked it

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: fantasy
3,847 people liked it

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation
7,338 people liked it

"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically
assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said
"
— Lemony Snicket (The Hostile Hospital)

32 people liked it

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."
— C.S. Lewis

tags: body, soul
3,331 people liked it

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
— C.S. Lewis

tags: god, world
966 people liked it

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word "darkness" on the walls of his cell."
— C.S. Lewis

tags: god, religion
473 people liked it