"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it."
— Mark Twain

"THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.

TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.
2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.
3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.
4. The new text books will arrive any day now.
5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.
6. We are enforcing the dress code.
7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.
8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.
9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.
10. We want to hear what you have to say."
— Laurie Halse Anderson (Speak)

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "
— Bill Gates

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas A. Edison

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

"Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere."
— Albert Einstein

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
— Mark Twain

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

"It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not."
— André Gide

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."
— Bill Cosby

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Well-behaved women rarely make history."
— Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."
— Mark Twain

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
— Margaret Mead

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."
— Albert Einstein

"Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
— Douglas Adams

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "
— W.C. Fields

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
— Mark Twain

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
— Albert Einstein

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."
— Dr. Seuss

"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."
— Ayn Rand

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

"'Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read."
— Mark Twain

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."
— Maya Angelou

"Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted."
— John Lennon

"The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity."
— Dorothy Parker

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
— Mark Twain

"It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."
— Marlene Dietrich

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
— Albert Einstein

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."
— Oscar Wilde

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer"
— Douglas Adams

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

"In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them."
— Mark Twain

"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them."
— Ray Bradbury

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."
— Lewis Carroll

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
— Mark Twain

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
— Aldous Huxley

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
— Oscar Wilde

"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."
— Douglas Adams

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
— Lemony Snicket

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity."
— Gilda Radner

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
— Douglas Adams