Catnip's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 60)

"If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

tags: humor, talking, writers
371 people liked it

"Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

tags: books, reading
2,049 people liked it

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: fate, humor
1,030 people liked it

"People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

tags: life
885 people liked it

"Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor, reading, wicked
768 people liked it

"Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor, reading
785 people liked it

"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
— Lemony Snicket (The Wide Window)

tags: allergies, cats, humor
481 people liked it

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."
— Lemony Snicket (The Penultimate Peril)

tags: humor
415 people liked it

"It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

347 people liked it

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

tags: confidence, humor, ignorance, knowledge
222 people liked it

"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

176 people liked it

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

tags: humor
173 people liked it

""Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient."
(Artemis Fowl)"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

tags: artemis, fowl
82 people liked it

"I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl Boxed Set)

85 people liked it

""I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal." (Holly Short)"
— Eoin Colfer (The Artemis Fowl Files)

tags: holly, short
73 people liked it

"(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

58 people liked it

"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl 1-3.)

tags: humor
71 people liked it

"I don't like lollipops.

-Artemis Fowl Jr."
— Eoin Colfer

tags: humor
53 people liked it

""Who are you?" he asked.
"I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.""
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox)

tags: domination, evil, fun, humor, megalomania, overlord, world
57 people liked it

"Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression.
Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case?
Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor.
Doctor Po: Yes?
Artemis: My mother, she...
Doctor Po: Your mother, yes?
Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident)

tags: humor
55 people liked it

"If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony)

43 people liked it

""(to Spiro) And one more thing. About my name - Artemis - you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.""
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

tags: artemi
38 people liked it

"Trust me. I'm a genius."
— -Artemis Fowl

36 people liked it

"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony)

tags: humor, men
40 people liked it

"D'Arvit!"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl 1-3.)

38 people liked it

""Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.""
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox)

tags: evil, fun, humor, overlord, revenge, violence
35 people liked it

"Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist and that I am not a gibbering moron."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl El Mundo Subterraneo / Artemis Fowl)

tags: existence, fairy, moron
27 people liked it

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony)

tags: humor
17 people liked it

"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order ? la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

tags: artemis, code, colfer, eoin, eternity, fowl
16 people liked it

"Artemis simple-toon"
— Eoin Colfer

tags: artemis, fowl, myles, paradox, time
13 people liked it

"We're being lead with an
Idiot with a crayon."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

tags: humor
15 people liked it

"...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make."
— Eoin Colfer (through Artemis Fowl Jr.) (Artemis Fowl)

10 people liked it

" "Hey, Mulch, if you listen really hard you can just about make out the sound of nobody giving a hoot."

"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident)

11 people liked it

""(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!""
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

9 people liked it

""That's the last order I'll ever give you Captain. Don't you dare ignore it." "
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception)

6 people liked it

""The only other scenario that could explain everything, up to and including your own bizarre apperance, is a convoluted conspiracy theory involving the Russian Mafia and a crack team of plastic surgeons." "
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

7 people liked it

""My bugs don't have bugs." "
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

6 people liked it

""Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term." "
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident)

6 people liked it

""(text message) CMDR ROOT. TRBLE BELOW. HAVN OVRRN BY GOBLINS. PLCE PLAZA SRROUNDED. CUDGEON + OPL KBOI BHND PLOT. NO WPONS OR CMMUNICATIONS. DNA CNONS CNTRLLED BY KBOI. I M TRPPED IN OP BTH. CNCL THNKS IM 2 BLM. IF ALIVE PLSE HLP. IF NOT, WRNG NMBR." "
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident)

8 people liked it

""A cloak of invisibility? This is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?" "
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony)

7 people liked it

"**** QUOTES FROM THE SERIES ARTEMIS FOWL ****

MULCH DIGGUMS >>>>>> "Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander."

JULIUS ROOT >>>>>> "I didn't trust Fowl when he was alive, and I definitely don't trust him now that he's dead."

HOLLY SHORT >>>>>>"Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with."

>>>>>>>"(to Artemis) That's right, rich boy. You're on your own this time."

FOALY THE CENTAUR >>>>>>> "(to Artemis): No. This is not the commander. This is Foaly, the centaur. Is this the kidnapping lowlife human?"

>>>>>>>“IF ALIVE PLEASE HELP. IF NOT, WRONG NUMBER.”
"
— Various characters

tags: funny
3 people liked it

"I don't like lollipops"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

tags: artemis, funny
2 people liked it

"Have I ever told you how glad I am we're not enemies? Eragon asked.
No, but it's very sweet of you.
Eragon to Saphira"
— Christopher Paolini (Brisingr)

tags: argetlam, brightscales, dragon, dragons, eragon, fantasy, riders, saphira, shurtugal
4 people liked it

"Mmm....she's doomed! You're doomed!! They're all doomed! Notice I didn't specify what kind of doom, so no matter what happens, I predicted it. How very WISE of me."
— Christopher Paolini (Eragon)

6 people liked it

"No hunter of the sky should end his days as prey. Better to die on the wing than pinned to the ground. [Saphira]"
— Christopher Paolini (Eragon)

5 people liked it

"It s funny to see a hatchling like you beaten by the old one. "
— Christopher Paolini (Eragon)

4 people liked it

"the songs of the dead are the lamenations of the living."
— Christopher Paolini (Eldest)

8 people liked it

"Barzul!"
— Christopher Paolini

tags: brisingr, christopher, eldest, eragon, funny, humor, paolini
10 people liked it

"Books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life. "
— Christopher Paolini (Eragon)

264 people liked it

"Wise? No, I simply learned to think.
- Eragon"
— Christopher Paolini (Eldest)

100 people liked it

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