"Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided."
— Mae West

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. "
— Mae West

"The curve is more powerful than the sword."
— Mae West

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."
— Chelsea Handler (My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands)

""At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer."
"
— Chelsea Handler (My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands)

"If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty."
— Marilyn Monroe

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."
— Marilyn Monroe

"Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend."
— Sarah Dessen (Someone Like You)

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
— Mark Twain

"The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for."
— Mark Twain

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."
— Mark Twain

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."
— Mark Twain

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."
— Mark Twain

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men."
— Joseph Conrad

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
— Phyllis Diller

"In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them."
— Mark Twain

"The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones."
— Joseph Joubert

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
— Robert A. Heinlein (Stranger in a Strange Land)

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment."
— Jane Austen

"As your lover describes you, so you are."
— Jeanette Winterson

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."
— Pablo Neruda (100 Love Sonnets/Cien Sonetos De Amor)

"Words can never fully say what we want them to say, for they fumble, stammer, and break the best porcelain. The best one can hope for is to find along the way someone to share the path, content to walk in silence, for the heart communes best when it does not try to speak."
— Margaret Weis (Dragons of a Lost Star)

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

"Everything with me is either worship and passion or pity and understanding. I hate rarely, though when I hate, I hate murderously. For example now, I hate the bank and everything connected with it. I also hate Dutch paintings, penis-sucking, parties, and cold rainy weather. But I am much more preoccupied with loving."
— Anaïs Nin (Henry and June: From "A Journal of Love" - The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin)

"If I love you, what business is it of yours?"
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
— Winston S. Churchill

"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice."
— Bill Cosby

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?"
— Chris Rock

"Big girls need big diamonds."
— Elizabeth Taylor

"Women only nag when they feel unappreciated."
— Louis de Bernières (Corelli's Mandolin)

"In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman."
— Margaret Thatcher

"No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it."
— Elizabeth Peters

"No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. "
— Betty Friedan

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see."
— Edgar Degas

"People worry about kids playing with guns, and teenagers watching violent videos; we are scared that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobodies worries about kids listening to thousands - literally thousands - of songs about broken hearts and rejection and pain and misery and loss."
— Nick Hornby (High Fidelity)

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
— Woody Allen

"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power."
— Oscar Wilde

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it."
— Woody Allen

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."
— George Carlin (When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?)

"I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds."
— George Carlin

"I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50% rate."
— George Carlin (Brain Droppings)

"Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did."
— George Carlin

""You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos "
— George Carlin

"Twat is twat and that is that."
— George Carlin

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
— Aldous Huxley