"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
— Rita Mae Brown

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it."
— Oscar Wilde

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his."
— Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
— Mark Twain

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
— Mark Twain

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

"Don’t try to make life a mathematics problem with yourself in the center and everything coming out equal. When you’re good, bad things can still happen. And if you’re bad, you can still be lucky."
— Barbara Kingsolver (The Poisonwood Bible)

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
— Gordon B. Hinckley

"You can be smart and happy or stupid and miserable. . . it's your choice"
— Gordon B. Hinckley

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."
— Gordon B. Hinckley

"Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds."
— Gordon B. Hinckley

"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open."
— Corrie Ten Boom

"Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden."
— Corrie Ten Boom

"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."
— Erma Bombeck

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me"."
— Erma Bombeck

"IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather rambling about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculped like a rose before it melted
in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more
while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment, realising that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's"

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute . . .
look at it and really see it . . . and never give it back."
— Erma Bombeck

"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. "
— Erma Bombeck

"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one."
— Erma Bombeck

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."
— Erma Bombeck

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
— Erma Bombeck

"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."
— Erma Bombeck

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
— Erma Bombeck