"I'm betting on Alice."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"Fall down again, Bella?'
'No, Emmett, I punched a werewolf in the face.'"
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

"So did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"Happiness is a warm puppy."
— Charles M. Schulz

"The covers of this book are too far apart."
— Ambrose Bierce

"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."
— Kurt Vonnegut

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

"Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources"
— Albert Einstein

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
— Steven Wright

"Harry: And no way this year anyone's gonna die!
And it's gonna be totally awesome!
"
— Harry potter the musical

"
*Harry sings a love song to Ginny*
Harry: So what do you think?
Ginny: I think that any girl you play that for would fall in love with you.
Harry: Awesome, 'cause I wrote it Cho Chang.
"
— harry potter the musical

"Draco: DUMBLEDORE! psh! what an old coot! he's nothing like RUMBLEROAR.
Goyle: RUBLEROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Draco: Rumbleroar is the headmaster of Pigfarts. He's a lion. Who can talk.
"
— harry potter the musical

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"“Meow” means “woof” in cat. "
— George Carlin

"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog."
— Ambrose Bierce

"I named my dog Stay, so I can say,'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!'"
— Steven Wright

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog."
— Franklin P. Jones

"Edward - I wasn't about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would survive.
Bella - So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?
Edward - Why is the plane crashing?
He was trying to hide a smile now.
Bella - The pilots are passed out drunk.
Edward - Easy. I'd fly the plane.
Of course. I pursed my lips and tried again.
Bella - Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward the earth.
Edward - I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.
I stared at him wordlessly.
"What?" he whispered."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"Stupid, shiny Volvo owner."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls just did that on TV."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"Alice: "I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors."
Edward: "Why don't you just tell me who wins?"
Alice: 'I do. Excellent.'"
— Stephenie Meyer (Breaking Dawn)

"It's an off day when somebody doesn't tell me how edible I smell."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator.

- Bella Swan"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"If you ever repeat what I'm saying right now I'll cheerfully beat you to death.

- Bella Swan"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"How old are you?"
"Seventeen," he answered promptly.
"And how long have you been seventeen?"
His lips twitched as he stared at the road. "A while."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object. ~ Edward Cullen"
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"Oh, a sadistic vampire intent on torturing you to death, sure, no problem, you run off to meet him. An I.V. on the other hand."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"I already know how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather - have some respect.

- Bella Swan"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?"
— Stephenie Meyer (New Moon)

"Edward: 'Tell me what you are really thinking.'
Bella: 'I always tell you what I am thinking.'
'You edit.' He accused.
"Not very much."
"Enough to drive me insane."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"Jacob: "May the best MAN win."
Edward: "Sounds about right, pup!""
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"Is that what you dream about? Becoming a monster?
Not exactly. Mostly I dream about being with you forever.
"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

"You're the one who is weak. You will never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"It takes much bravery to stand up to our enemies but we need as much bravery to stand up to our friends."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— J.K. Rowling

"Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.

Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.

Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)