"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
— Abraham Lincoln

"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman."
— Virginia Woolf

"Well-behaved women rarely make history."
— Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
— Oscar Levant

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
— Thomas Stephen Szasz

"You can never be overdressed or overeducated."
— Oscar Wilde

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination."
— Oscar Wilde

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
— Aristotle (Metaphysics)

"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal."
— Neil Gaiman

"Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid."
— John Wayne

"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious."
— Albert Einstein

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
— Bill Watterson (The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book)

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.

I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.

I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.

I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."
— Neil Gaiman (American Gods)

"Two people in love, alone, isolated from the world, that's beautiful."
— Milan Kundera

"It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it."
— Terry Pratchett

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature"
— Dave Barry

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. "
— Charles Bukowski

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
— Hunter S. Thompson

"The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones."
— Joseph Joubert

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;"
— Alexander Pope

"There is an innocence in admiration: it occurs in one who has not yet realized that they might one day be admired."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"
— Ernest Hemingway

"Did you sleep well?"
"No, I made a couple of mistakes."
— Steven Wright

"What would an ocean be without a monster lurking in the dark? It would be like sleep without dreams."
— Werner Herzog

"Belief is the death of intelligence."
— Robert Anton Wilson

"There is no perfection only life"
— Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

"Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"There is not enough love and goodness in the world to permit giving any of it away to imaginary beings."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Only idiots fail to contradict themselves three times a day."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"'I know, brother, that you are a straightforward man, and that you pride yourself on it. But put one question to yourself: why in fact should one tell the truth? What obliges us to do it? And why do we consider telling the truth a virtue? Imagine that you meet a madman, who claims that he is a fish and that we are all fish. Are you going to argue with him? Are you going to undress in front of him and show him that you don't have fins? Are you going to say to his face what you think? Well, tell me!'

His brother was silent and Edward went on: 'If you told him the whole truth and nothing but the truth, only what you really thought, you would enter into a serious conversation with a madman and you yourself would become mad. And it is the same way with the world that surrounds us. If I obstinately told a man the truth to his face, it would mean I was taking him seriously. And to take something so unimportant seriously means to become less than serious oneself. I, you see, must lie, if I don't want to take madmen seriously and become one of them myself.'"
— Milan Kundera (Laughable Loves)

"I am not proud, but I am happy; and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."
— Dumas (Le Comte De Monte Christo)