"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Miss Piggy

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
— Albert Einstein

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one."
— John Lennon

"It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."
— Marlene Dietrich

"People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight;
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten;
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.– Mother Teresa"
— Mother Teresa

"To err is human; to purr, feline."
— Robert Byrne

"Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

"I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing."
— Mae West

"I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food"
— Erma Bombeck

"When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."
— Erma Bombeck

"Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere"
— Erma Bombeck

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."
— Erma Bombeck

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."
— Elbert Hubbard

"The more I see, the less I know for sure."
— John Lennon

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice."
— Bill Cosby