Skc > Skc's Quotes

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  • #1
    Orson Welles
    “Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.”
    Orson Welles

  • #2
    George Burns
    “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
    George Burns

  • #3
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    Jim Henson

  • #4
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    Terry Pratchett, Diggers

  • #5
    Lily Tomlin
    “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”
    Lily Tomlin

  • #6
    George Bernard Shaw
    “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
    George Bernard Shaw, Immaturity

  • #7
    Tad Williams
    “As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.”
    Tad Williams

  • #8
    Winston S. Churchill
    “When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.”
    Winston S. Churchill

  • #9
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

  • #10
    Groucho Marx
    “Humor is reason gone mad.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #11
    Stephanie Klein
    “Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.”
    Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir

  • #12
    “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
    Robin Williams

  • #13
    Groucho Marx
    “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #14
    George Burns
    “Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
    George Burns

  • #15
    Geoff Johns
    “I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
    Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls

  • #16
    Alice Roosevelt Longworth
    “If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.”
    Alice Roosevelt Longworth

  • #17
    Bruce Springsteen
    “Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny.”
    Bruce Springsteen

  • #18
    Charles M. Schulz
    “Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.”
    Charles M. Schulz

  • #19
    “Did you know that I can see you?”
    Katt Williams
    tags: humor

  • #20
    George Carlin
    “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
    George Carlin

  • #21
    Garrison Keillor
    “Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
    Garrison Keillor

  • #22
    Steven Wright
    “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    Steven Wright

  • #23
    W.C. Fields
    “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
    W.C. Fields

  • #24
    Garrison Keillor
    “Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
    Garrison Keillor

  • #25
    Woody Allen
    “To you, I'm an atheist.
    To God, I'm the loyal opposition.”
    Woody Allen

  • #26
    Lily Tomlin
    “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
    Lily Tomlin

  • #27
    Steven Wright
    “I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.”
    Steven Wright

  • #28
    Jerry Seinfeld
    “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”
    Jerry Seinfeld



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