Julie's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 83)

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
— Phyllis Diller

tags: anger, funny, sleep
765 people liked it

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

tags: funny, humour
936 people liked it

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
— Albert Einstein

tags: funny
599 people liked it

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."
— Rodney Dangerfield

tags: crime, funny, humour, neighborhoods
513 people liked it

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
— Fats Domino

tags: funny
578 people liked it

"Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car."
— G.K. Chesterton

tags: car, funny, humor, religious
1,142 people liked it

"She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it...
-Kabuto"
— Masashi Kishimoto (Naruto, Vol. 18)

tags: funny, manga, naruto, women
170 people liked it

"I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart out."
— Michael Scott

tags: funny, humor, office
220 people liked it

"What the hell is that?" I laughed.
"It's my fox hat."
"Your fox hat?"
"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox."
— John Green (Looking for Alaska)

tags: funny, humor
126 people liked it

"What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes."
— Gena Showalter (Oh My Goth)

tags: funny, life
97 people liked it

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
— Cathy Guisewite

tags: eyes, funny, lemons
512 people liked it

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."
— Charles M. Schulz

tags: cute, funny, sad, stupid
230 people liked it

"Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.""
— Orson Scott Card

tags: advent, funny, humour, rising, stupid
115 people liked it

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?"
— Gena Showalter (Animal Instincts)

tags: dating, funny
110 people liked it

"I'm not drunk, just a little stoned."
— Gerard Way

tags: alcohol, drugs, drunkiness
88 people liked it

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
May or may not occur"
— Al Gore

tags: funny, stupid, wow
41 people liked it

"Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhyming now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

tags: humor, movie, rhyming
399 people liked it

"Witch king: Fool. No man may can kill me!
Eowyn: (pulls off helmet) I am no man! (kills him)"
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Lord of the Rings - Return of the King)

tags: death, fate, girl-power, grrl, humor, irony, movie, prophecy
224 people liked it

"Oh, don't be silly - EVERYONE wants this. Everyone wants to be *us*."
— Lauren Weisberger (The Devil Wears Prada)

24 people liked it

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

Dead Poet's Society"
— John Keating

tags: movie, poetry
235 people liked it

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— Wesley

tags: movie, quote
94 people liked it

"Sink me! Your taylors have betrayed you! T'wood serve you better to send THEM to Madam Guillotine "
— The Scarlet Pimpernel

tags: movie, quote
16 people liked it

"Acting is like a visual poem."
— Woody Allen

tags: movie
18 people liked it

"You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

tags: goldman, humor, max, miracle, movie, william
151 people liked it

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

tags: duplicates, movie, westley
63 people liked it

"Even I'm edible! But that, my children, is called cannibalism; and that is frowned upon in most societies."
— Willy Wonka

tags: charlie, chocolate, factory, humor, movie, willy, wonka
29 people liked it

"Vanity, definitely my favorite sin. "
— Andrew Neiderman (The Devil's Advocate)

tags: movie
7 people liked it

"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
— Chuck Palahniuk

tags: god, life
1,536 people liked it

"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

tags: life
760 people liked it

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."
— Chuck Palahniuk

tags: reality
543 people liked it

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness.
We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Diary)

463 people liked it

"I don't want to die without any scars."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club: A Novel)

tags: death, durden, scars, tyler
265 people liked it

"When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?"
— Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

tags: future
205 people liked it

"If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes."
— Chuck Palahniuk

tags: humor, love
176 people liked it

"The only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Survivor: A Novel)

153 people liked it

"No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

tags: love
130 people liked it

"In a world where billions believe their deity conceived a mortal child with a virgin human, it's stunning how little imagination most people display."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Rant: An Oral Biography of Buster Casey)

128 people liked it

"My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Choke)

tags: sex
93 people liked it

"You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club: A Novel)

113 people liked it

"The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

tags: human-nature, weekend
101 people liked it

"Your heart is my piñata."
— Chuck Palahniuk

86 people liked it

"...hysteria is impossible without an audience. Panicking by yourself is the same as laughing alone in an empty room. You feel really silly."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

89 people liked it

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: fantasy
3,919 people liked it

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: life
1,877 people liked it

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not."
— Dr. Seuss (The Lorax)

tags: activism
665 people liked it

"Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them."
— Dr. Seuss

198 people liked it

"A room without books is like a body without a soul."
— Marcus Tullius Cicero

tags: books, soul
11,027 people liked it

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

tags: confidence, inspirational, wisdom
10,297 people liked it

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
— Maya Angelou

tags: life
11,096 people liked it

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
11,904 people liked it

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