"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "
— W.C. Fields

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
— Charles Lamb

"Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
— Rodney Dangerfield

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."
— Rodney Dangerfield

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?"
— Gena Showalter (Animal Instincts)

"If you don't have a strategy, you're part of someone else's strategy. "
— Alvin Toffler

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones)

"A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it."
— Albert Einstein

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."
— Albert Einstein

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
— Albert Einstein