"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
— Phyllis Diller

"Eric moved the broom experimentally and made an attempt to sweep the glass into the pan while it lay in the middle of the floor. Of course, the pan slid away. Eric scowled.
I'd finally found something Eric did poorly."
— Charlaine Harris (Dead as a Doornail)

""By the way, I haven't heard an 'I'm sorry' from you yet." My sense of grievance had overwhelmed my sense of self-preservation.
"I am sorry that the maenad picked on you."
I glared at him. "Not enough," I said. I was trying hard to hang on to this conversation.
"Angelic Sookie, vision of love and beauty, I am prostrate that the wicked evil maenad violated your smooth and voluptuous body, in an attempt to deliver a message to me."
"That's more like it.""
— Charlaine Harris (Living Dead in Dallas)

"I don't like having feelings," Eric said coldly, and he left.
That was a tough exit line to top."
— Charlaine Harris (Club Dead)

"Hey, our hair's the same color," I said, eying us side by side in the mirror.

"Sure is, girlfriend." Eric grinned at me."
— Charlaine Harris (Living Dead in Dallas)

"He gave me a look sure to put frost on anyone's pumpkin."
— Charlaine Harris

"The last time I wore an animal hide; but this time I settled for this." Eric had been wearing a long trench coat. Now he threw it off dramatically, and I could only stand and stare. Normally, Eric was a blue-jeans-and-T-shirt kind of guy. Tonight, he wore a pink tank top and Lycra leggings[...]They were pink and aqua, like the swirls down the side of Jason's truck."
— Charlaine Harris (Living Dead in Dallas)

"Sookie, Sookie. My bullshit meter is reading that as 'false'."
— Charlaine Harris (Dead as a Doornail)

""Sookie, my little bullet-sucker"
"Eric, my big bullshitter""
— Charlaine Harris (Living Dead in Dallas)

"Glass shattered, vampires roared, humans screamed. The noise battered at me, just as the tidal wave of scores of brains at high gear washed over me. When it began to taper off, I looked up into Eric's eyes. Incredibly, he was excited. He smiled at me. "I knew I'd get on top of you somehow," he said.
"Are you trying to make me mad so I'll forget how scared I am?"
"No, I'm just opportunistic."
I wiggled, trying to get out from under him, and he said, "Oh, do that again. It felt great.""
— Charlaine Harris (Living Dead in Dallas)

"It is our choices, Harry, that show us who we truly are, far more than our abilities."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

"It takes much bravery to stand up to our enemies but we need as much bravery to stand up to our friends."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— J.K. Rowling

"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should be treated with caution."
— J.K. Rowling

"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default."
— J.K. Rowling

"Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of
Dobby's hats."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

"You could say sorry," suggested Harry bluntly.
"What, and get attacked by another flock of canaries?" muttered Ron.
"What did you have to imitate her for?"
"She laughed at my mustache!"
"So did I, it was the stupidest thing I've ever seen."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

"'Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?' Harry interrupted again.

'So he can sneak up on people,' said Ron. 'Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking...'"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

"He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with news...check if I'm happy..."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

"Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there.
"Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

"This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this. "
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

"If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it."
— Terry Pratchett

"Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one."
— Terry Pratchett

"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this."
— Terry Pratchett

"Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you."
— Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

"Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken."
— Terry Pratchett (Eric)

"Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."
— Terry Pratchett (A Hat Full of Sky)

"This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic."
— Terry Pratchett

"There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist."
— Terry Pratchett

"'All right,' said Susan. 'I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable.
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE
'Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little-
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES
'So we can believe the big ones?
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING
'They're not the same at all!
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET--
Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME... SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED
'Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point---
MY POINT EXACTLY"
— Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

"Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face."
— Augusten Burroughs

"We were young. We were bored. And the old electroshock therapy machine was just under the stairs in a box next to the Hoover."
— Augusten Burroughs (Running With Scissors)

"I told myself, 'All I want is a normal life'. But was that true? I wasn't so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. 'Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal', I told myself."
— Augusten Burroughs (Running with Scissors: A Memoir)

"I came to think that maybe God was what you believed in because you needed to feel you weren’t alone. Maybe God was simply that part of yourself that was always there and always strong, even when you were not."
— Augusten Burroughs (A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir)

"I believe in the baby Jesus, and I believe he is handsome and lives in the sky with his pet cow. I believe that it is essential the cow like you, and if you pet the cow with your mind, it will lick your hand and give you cash. But if you make the cow angry, it will turn away from you, forget you exist, and your life will fall into shambles. I believe that as long as the cow likes you, you can get what you want. In order to keep the cow’s favor, you need to ‘let go and let God,’ meaning you can’t obsess about controlling every little thing. You have to let things unfold naturally, and not try to change things you cannot change. On the other hand, I believe that if you’ve made the cow happy by living this way, you’re allowed to ask for favors..."
— Augusten Burroughs (Magical Thinking)

"When you have your health, you have everything. When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all."
— Augusten Burroughs (Dry)

"It was a great story and I admired her. And I also felt a little envious. Because that bloody tampon had been a secret weapon. And every woman had one. But only a woman like Debby would be brave enough to use it."
— Augusten Burroughs (Possible Side Effects)

"Throwing things horrified me. I suffered extreme, paralyzing anxiety when it came to anything remotely athletic. I wouldn't even run to catch the school bus because I knew I'd trip and then get teased for a year."
— Augusten Burroughs (Possible Side Effects)

"Scar tissue has no character. It's not like skin. It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's like a slip cover. It shields and disguises what's beneath. That's why we grow it; we have something to hide. "
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Every window in Alcatraz has a view of San Francisco. "
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

""Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.""
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)